Sunday, December 07, 2003

Its not you, its me...

This is me. This is what a glamourous, well dressed, corporate librarian wanna be looks like after 3 glasses of chianti. This is what a black tuxedo shirt looks like when worn in public. Why don't guys just wear stuff like this? I used to wear it to the office when I had the OCJ. Now, it is a "goin' out" shirt. Sad. I have a lot of "goin" out clothes now.

My new library wardrobe is basically khakis, white button down oxfords, and a v-neck pullover sweater. I am afraid to wear anything else in fear that a patron will a)pee on me b)vomit on me c)touch me with sticky sucker hands. Not that any of this has happened, but I do see them sneeze onto computers, I know they pee ALL over the floor in the men's room, and I pick up gum and half eaten suckers several times a week.

OK, even though I love to talk about myself, I will stray onto another. We'll call her Retro-Hip Librarian. She's the one we all wanted to have for a librarian growing up. She's pretty, raven haired, and super-hip-funky! She rocks, especially when she sports the horn rim glasses. She is a second year, almost ready to graduate. I work with her a few times a week. Last night the conversation between us went something like this, we were shelving CD's. (She helps me even though she is reference in training):

Glam Page: It is SO busy in here tonight
Retro Hip Librarian: No doubt. Oh, the phones ringing, I have to get that, my CD's are on the table behind you.
GP: No problem

I shelve for a minute, and she walks back smiling and says to me:

RHL:That person just called to ask the date. Today's date.
GP: What? They stayed on hold just to find out today's date?
RHL: Yep!

OK, perhaps not as funny as I wanted that to be, but it cracks me up big time. WHY? would you call and ask the date? Are you living in a calandarless void? Anyway.

This I saved til the very end, in hopes that you would all get bored and turn away. I mention it because this is a true documentation of me moving through the public library system. It has been joked about at work that I should hold story hour for the kids. It would go something like this:

GP: OK kids, first things first. WHO wants to hold my ashtray?
Lots of happy kids: ME! ME! pick me! ME!
GP: OK, Sally I pick you because you are the only one with good cheekbones
---time to let the kids settle down---
GP: OK, what do we want to read? Vogue or Cosmo?
LOHK: What the hell are those?
GP: Don't make me hate you.
LOHK: HAHAHAHAHAHA, people don't hate children!
GP: Oh yeah?

Story hour corrupted with a cigarette smoking, cocktail wielding page. Not pretty.
So here tucked in the end, my real story of an interaction with a real child.

Little Girl: Hi. My name is Tamika.
GP: Hi Tamika. Im Matthew.
LG: I'd like that book on the shelf. Can you get it for me?
GP: Sure. Here you go honey.

---minutes pass----
LG: Can I have a sticker?
GP: Yes, you've been so good you can have two.

Then the whole crew called me out. Apparently, that is "sweet" and "Nice". See what public libraries do to Corporate bitches like me? THEY MAKE US ALL GOOEY.

The moral of this post: Be HOT and GLAM, even if you have to be nice. It's possible. I'm officially living proof.

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