Wednesday, December 03, 2003

No, not yet



I have been sooo busy with finals and Thanksgiving, that I have not had time to blog as much as I'd like. Classes are done on the 12th, and as I write this, I should be putting the finishing touches on two major papers. But instead, I have decided to share more stories from the trenches.

And because you are all wondering, my Thanksgiving was wonderful, I hosted 12 people (including my inlaws for the first time) and made a 25lbs bird. My table was set with depression era amber glass, and french lead crystal. I gotta admit, even I was impressed with the end result. It looked even better after we had finshed 13 bottles of wine.

So, the library. Last night, slightly dirty, looks like a uni-bomber man came in looking for the "USA TODAY" paper. He asked the librarian if we had a copy. And so this conversation unfolds....nb: to get the full effect, ring your hands and speak quickly while role playing the creepy patron. For the ultimate experience, add a Kentucky accent to the librarian, and smile the whole time.

Creepy Patron: Do you subscribe to USA TODAY?
Librarian: Yes sir we do. It is in the periodicals.
CP: No, no, its not. I've looked. Are you sure you subscribe?
L: Yes, there is a spot on the shelf for it, it maybe in use right now.
CP: How many subscriptions do you have?
L: One.
CP: Where is it?
L: If its not on the shelf a patron is using it.
CP: Where is the patron?
L: Sir, you'll have to wait your turn, we share in a public library.

4 minutes later

CP: I've just walked around the library. I didn't see USA TODAY. Are you sure you subscribe to it?
L: Sir, we do subscribe to it. It must be in use right now.
CP: No, no, its not. I've just walked around everywhere. Its not here.
L: Sir, I am assuring you we have it. Just wait, the patron should finsish with it before long.

Now, creepy patron walks away. I say to the librarian

Glamorous Page: Couldn't he just go online and read the web version of USA TODAY?
Librarian: Umm, Matthew, he's crazy
GP: Oh

Its little things like this that make me want to run screaming into a 35 floor corporate building begging for a job as a librarian. Sometimes the situations are so surreal, I want to walk over and pinch people...just to make sure its real. Only I wouldn't because people are dirty, and although I've given up on manicures, I still care deeply about my skin. Its just not worth the risk. For all I know, I'll end up with e-coli or monkey pox. I just have to take each situation at face value.

In addition to this, I have also come to another realization. I can not stand the sound of children whining or crying. Yesterday, Mother of the Year was in the library with all 5 of her kids. 3 of them were crying, and one was emitting this low, skin crawling whine that would not stop. I wanted to give the kids stickers to make them stop, but realized they were crying because their Mother was forcing them to play computer games that they didn't want to play.

She was making a 3 year old play a game with french and spanish words. The kid couldn't even read, let alone two foriegn tongues. I don't think from what I gathered that she could either. Finally, our very own Kentucky librarian came to the rescue. She explained to the MOTY that the games were too hard, and got them to play something else.

End of crying & whining. For 6 minutes.

Then the MOTY decided it was time to go,only the kids wanted to play more games. So she screamed at them. Then she couldn't find one of her kids. So, she decided to call for her, like she was in a State Park. Multiple times.

Finally they left, and I had one of the worst headaches I can remember. And I have a good memory.

Anyway, another day in the life of a Corporate librarian turned public page. I don't know how Kentucky librarian does it. She's amazing.

Now, back to reality, and my final papers.

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