Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Uh, Not quite



I was shelving over in the YA section the other night, and a group of students ages 9-12 were sitting at the table. About 6 of them. They had coats thrown all over the floor, and were making a lot of noise. A LOT of noise.

I told them to quiet it down, they were in a library. Then the not so nice, ethnic slurs between one another.

Our policy states that when kids use strong language, we tell them the following "You have two choices. Go home and use that language, or stay here and be respectful and quiet." Usually solves the problem.

So they sit there, chatting (not doing homework, as they tried to have me believe) and dropping the occasional "f" bomb, along side the ethnically un-PC "N" bomb.

Then the conversation goes into overload. Here, I will recount it for you.

Kid #1: I think my teachers pregnant.
Kid #2: OOH, she prolly is, fat ol' ho.
Peanut gallery: OOOH! You called Mrs. so and so a HO!!
Kid #1: Yeah, she so fat, theys gonna have to cut that baby out of her
Girl: Ooo, you nasty. They don't cut babies out. They come out of your butt.
Kid #1: NONO! Its true (drawing an imaginary line on his stomach,properly I might add) Right here, they cut you. My momma said when I was borned they cut her, and just waved a piece a turkey, and I jumped out to eat it.
Peanut Gallery: Assorted hoots and hollers
ME: OK guys, settle down, homework time.
Kid #1: SIR!! HEY! MR! Tell em. They can cut the Mom's stomach open to get the baby.
ME: Yes, that is one of the ways a baby can be born.
*the kicker*
Kid #1 (looking around for full effect) They an also come out of the VAGINA (extra loud voice), right? The VAGINA?
Girl: OOOH! You so nasty!
ME: Alright. Get to your work. No more of this loud talking. There is nothing about a C section in your Spanish homework.


First, lots of things wrong with this picture. A child thinking babies come out of your butt, another one that is ready to become a gynecologist, and the rest of them laughing about the word vagina. My branch is obsessed with vaginas. Im starting to get scared. I've also recently begun growing orchids. Perhaps its contagious. I doubt it.

I am getting a true education in this branch. When the little girl showed me her art homework, and I told her it was "tight" she almost fell off her chair. I was tempted to tell all of them to "quit being so salty , or they'd all be treated", but my better judgement kicked in.
They'd love to know I'm swooning over Missy Elliott's new "Pass that Dutch", although not in public. It would wreck my whole "I only listen to Glenn Miller Persona."

I have one more final to take tomorrow, and then Im done with my first semester of library school. Yippee Super. And this means I work more hours at the public library, so I'll have more stuff to share! OK, back to studying.

The moral of this story: Not all Orchid growers are big eavesdroppers, like me.

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