Thursday, January 29, 2004

DON'T Come Over and See Me Sometime...



We've established that I'm devestatingly gorgeous. My charm is as bubbly as a bottle of '53 Dom.

We've established that I work for a public library, in a highly visable role.

Patrons, I am not in love with you. I mean your nice and everything...but, you see.. I'm, well, I'm with someone.

Being nice to patrons makes them want to skip off into the sunset with me. Its starting to freak me out. Is this why librarians are kind of mean to people? Our handbook insists on a "friendly demeanor". Where do we draw the line?

Granted, in the corporate world, a smile buys you another drink, another 2 days on a project, and occasionally, a well timed smile can capture the clients business. But in a public library, a smile means something different. It means "Hello Patron, I'd like to 'get to know you' *wink wink*". HOW?? Sophia's film Lost in the Translation might be onto something.

Yesterday, a patron came up to me and said "HEY! I didn't get to thank-you the other day. Thanks for the tip about Bobbi Brown , I just loved using the liquid eyeliner!" This is the same patron always in asking about make up, hair, etc. Pages can participate in Reader's Advisory. I suggested a title, Bobbi Brown Beauty.

I should mention this patron is a man. And now I am apparently his new best friend. He asks me the same questions everyday. I have to refer him to a librarian, and he knows it. Its starting to freak me out.

Then there was the Harry Potter lady. Nice enough. In the beginning. She wanted Chamber of Secrets. All checked out. Then she followed me around the library, leaning against shelves asking me what I was into reading, inquiring after my interesting accent and where I was from, she liked my shoes, etc. I finally had to go into the back. We're talking about 7 minutes of this. CREEPERS!

Does a warm smile translate to something hotter? Is my Clinique Happy , for Men the equivlent of phermones? Do my swarthy Jew looks entice them? Are cashmere button downs aphrodisiacs? Dear me.

So for now, this brief public service annoucement will have to do.

"Attention Patrons: I have to be nice to you or I will be fired. That is all. Now, as you were".

So there. Thats said and done. Now I can go on shelving in peace.

Moral of this blog: Being hot is really tough. So is running away from a patron with an arm load of books. And I don't even like to run...

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