Friday, January 09, 2004


Today I had the pleasure of being behind the counter when I got to hear a patron exchange with my only colleague who can pull off coupling a cardigan with skulls and crossbones, with carebear t-shirt and still get complements. Need I say she is one of my favorites? Anyway, a very large woman came up to the desk. She needed to check more videos out. You can only have 5 out at once, and she put them on the counter...but they hadn't been checked in yet.

Plus she was using 3 cards. And didn't know what was checked out on any of them.

So after verbally abusing Skull&Crossbones cardigan, she began telling a story about why she wasn't going to pay her fine, here I'll recount it for you.

Large Woman: Oooh, no. I ain't gonna pay dat. See, I put dat book in my locker at the community centah, and one of the employees broke into it and stole dat. He said he is gonna pay me for it, but I told him he bettah pay the liberry for it. Should he make the check out to the liberry, or what? I said should he make the check out to the liberry?

S&CC:Uh, yeah.

LW: OK, Im gonna need you to print dat out OK? This is a stupid policy. When my puppy done ate a book, the liberry didn't charge me nothin'. Why am I responsible? He stole the book...

S&CC: Ma'am, all patrons sign a contract when they get their card that states they are responsible for all materials checked out on their name...

*LW interupts*

LW: Oooh, no. Not when I got my card, that wasn't the policy, na'ah *shaking head, waving over manicured long red fingernails*, no. That is not what I agreed to.

S&CC: Here is the print out with your expenses. Thank you.

Now comeon! She not only admitted she will not take responsibility for her actions, but also mentioned other library property she had destroyed! And blattantly lied. And it was a BAD lie. Comeon people, if you are going to lie, LIE GOOD!

Like the kids:

Hot Page: Riley, who through these puzzles all over the floor?
3 year old Riley: Ummm, (looking around) I don't know. It wasn't me.
HP: Well, who do you think did it?
Riley: mmmmm. Bruno. (her 8 month old brother). He's a monster.

Or the homeless:

Hot Page: Sir? Sir? Please wake up. You can't sleep in the library.
Homeless person: I wasn't sleeping.
Hot Page: OK, well, don't do whatever you were just doing.
(I was going to use HP, but just realized homeless person and hot page have the same acronym)

Or the gap toothed middle-aged ugly women with over permed hair:

Gap Tooth: Uh, my friend needs a book on those S.T.D's..
enough said

Needless to say, all of this untruth in the library is not needed. If people were just up front, and dropped the back story, they might get an ounce of sympathy out of me. OK, maybe not that much, but I am paid off of public dollars. I better be at least 6 dollars worth of nice an hour. If they are decent, or at least lie well, I'll throw in the extra 47 cents worth of nice.

The moral of this blog: When you lie, it doesn't help the situation. When you lie well, no one can tell, and everything goes even better.

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