Thursday, February 05, 2004

Out of the Woodwork



We are absolutley positivly not allowed to discuss patrons at work anymore. Like I've said, what else are we supposed to talk about? You run out of "weekend" things to chat about, when all any of us do is work at the library.

SO, my fake twin, AKA the Other Handsome Guy, and Crossbones Cardigan have had to devise quick ways to exchange stories with one another. So far so good, but its literally a game of James Bond. We have to pass each other and tell a 30 second story. If its a really good story, we have to make several passes with one another.

But this policy really got to me on Wednesday. I'm not kidding. Crazy, insane, space cadet people were coming out of the woodwork. Maybe a bus dropped them off, but they came in at perfect intervals. One crazy after the other.

First one: a middle aged man, not groomed, dirty tshirt, a bit o' belly showing, and sighing heavily at the internet terminals. At first I just figured no one had responded to his match.com profile. Then he got up and told Plaid Button Down his woeful story. Apparently, someone broke into his place, and stole, yes, his library card. Luckily NOTHING else was stolen. At all. He was grateful for that. But not so luckily, the thief checked out 100's of dollars worth of DVD's and CD's.

Second one: a 16 or 17 year old obese girl wearing a tiara. She was playing Carmen SanDiego on the kids computers. The sign says no one over 12. She was there the entire time I was working. Middle age man came over to watch Carmen. I didn't realize how captivating a kids game could be.

Big white beard man was there, but he's a regular. He asks me everyday how many books I've shelved so far. I've started making up numbers for him.

Super religious lady without a job. She's been coming in everyday to read a bible, the bible for dummies, and a bunch of Suze Orman books. But the special part is, she asks if "we've reviewed her application" everyday. If we hire her, at least Religious Readers Advisory is in the bag.

Ironically, Vagina collage hasn't been around in a while. I wonder if he got his moving business up and going. Hmm. Anyway, thank G-d for the other two co-workers who like me rebel and share all the tittle with me. OHG and CC make work fun.

If we can't share these stories, I will continue to publish them. I have to dish the tittle tattle on the patrons. Its too good to pass up!

MORAL OF THIS BLOG: Circus freak patrons are special, and deserve literary acknowledgement.

No comments: