Wednesday, March 10, 2004

A love greater than reading

While almost nothing surprises me, I have noticed that in the spring people start getting frisky in the library. Not so much that they are pulling fraternity-initiation style pranks of humping in the stacks, but almost.

I've seen couples walk in holding hands, pregnant women pushing baby strollers filled with last lust's fruit, and even some tacky-yet-appropriate to the patron heart earrings.

But Saturday when closing the library, I found evidence of the greatest love of all. When closing the men's bathroom, someone had obviously been so excited to be at the library, they had to leave proof. All over the bathroom stall. I know that historically, men suffer from "bad aim", but this was a rather blatant display of this theory. We don't have a cleaning person every Saturday, and so I just turned off the bathroom lights, in hopes that like a bad dream, when the lights came back on Monday morning it would be gone.

Instead, Monday I was greeted with more love in the library. A youngish guy, maybe 19 or 20 was sitting at one of the computer terminals, and I was busy earning my keep by pushing in chairs and replacing golf pencils to their rightful places. When I walked past him, I noticed that he had a DVD in a clear container. Being clear allowed me to see that it was no ordinary DVD, but the classic version of Black Booty. I would have hot linked that title, but I hope that people read this at work instead of doing actual work...and albiet my readers are not all librarians, I like to imagine that I have legions of librarian fans reading this, and bringing up porn on your desktop would be a definate violation of library policy.

And so like in the Vagina Collage situation, there was nothing I could do. He wasn't showing it to anyone, even though it was clearly evident to anyone who walked by. I did tell my favorite librarian about it. She is my favorite because her sense of humor is out of this world, and because she too graduated from the college I am about to graduate from. She discretely walked past him to verify that I did indeed see a copy of Black Booty- and also to collaborate the description I had given. It was a black gal with her back arched, and for some reason she had forgotten to put on a brassiere - and also lending proof to the fact that where ever she was photographed, it was very cold.

I'm not quite sure if its the tulips pushing through the ground, or the robin's swollen with eggs that gets the patrons going like this. Certainly, I dealt with nothing like this during the cold winter months. Perhaps the slight warm up has served to titilate the patrons in some way. Perhaps it was something I missed in seventh grade health class when I had to stay home because of the sniffles. At any rate, with calendar spring just weeks away, I am wondering what I am in for. Will there come a time when we have to get out the fire hose and separate to amorous patrons? Will we have to add vending machines in the bathrooms that distribute truck stop variety "safety precautions"? The mind simply reels with ideas.

At any rate, I've just given myself over to assuming this is the tip of the iceberg. Up until this point, the only affection I witnessed in the library seemed more like a mother holding her child by one arm while spanking him. I've no doubt that it was for the boy's own good, now that I've been able to throw it into perspective. Thank you patrons.

Moral of this blog: I will never help a patron find books on Pearl Necklaces.

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