Thursday, April 22, 2004

Ahhh, volunteers

During my daily shelving rounds, I often find myself within an earshot of the patrons brilliant conversations. Sometimes they are on a cell phone, other times they are discussing various and sordid topics with a friend. This time I overheard a conversation between a former volunteer (whom we fired) and her social worker. The former volunteer is an older woman, who only wears black. Her hair is kept in an updo, like Lila Quartermaine on General Hospital. She wears black bobby socks with heels and overall is very creepy.

The Other Handsome Guy that I work with overheard another part. I've combined the two for your eavesdropping pleasure:

Former Volunteer: "Sure, I'd love to help with the yard sale for our building."
Social Worker: "Thats great, I'll mark you down. I'm sorry that we couldn't have you volunteer in the state capitol."
FV: "That's OK. Say, do I get a cut of the proceeds?"
SW: "No, they all go to our building" (i.e. group home)
FV: "I've been finding lots of money in the dumpsters lately, so thats OK"
SW: *raised eyebrows* "Oh, thats nice."
FV: "I especially love it when I find clothes. People always leave change in their pockets. You know people just throw away their change. No one likes it. Just last week I found $7.00 in change!!"
SW:"Oh, thats nice."
FV: "Its really great. It really helps my income. I just go through the dumpsters, and I find it. Once I found a back pack, and there was over $5.00 in it!"
SW: "OH! Well thats good fortune for you."

Now the best one, its the one that the Other Handsome Guy overheard:
FV: "I was thinking that people should buy their coffins early, and just put shelves in them. They can be used for a bookcase. Just put it in your living room, and then when you die just take the books out and you can use it for your burial!"
SW: "Oh, well, erm, That's an idea."

WHAT?? Dear G-d. That is disgusting. Why would she even think of something like that? I can imagine people using old trunks in their living rooms, and then when they move use them to pack. Thats reasonable. I used to have my old steamer trunk in my sitting room, and had big throw pillows on it...more seating room in my old Chicago apartment. But a coffin-cum-bookcase? That's a little out there. I've heard of people dying for a good book, but this is taking it a step too far. A few steps to far.

And one more point to note, with my nice little death theme giong on...they found another body in another dumpster 3 blocks from my house. This makes 2 in one week. Isn't this a classy place?

Moral of this blog: You might find more than change in the dumpsters around here.
2nd Moral of this blog: You can go too far with utilitarian furniture.

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