Tuesday, July 06, 2004

You're kidding, right?



Happy 4th of July, belated. To those of you who observe it. I stayed at home, and had a delightfully prepared rosemary chicken and wine in my garden. The rest of my time has been spent digesting slowly the mean things patrons say.

As we've pretty much established, I am an East Coast Dandy. No one is going to argue me on this. I grew up speaking 'back East-ease', and see no reason to change that despite the fact that I am living in the center of a boring state. No one else seems to have left behind any trace of regionalism. Nobody bats an eye at southern coloquialism (for the Southerners that means regional dialect). Mind you that was directed at people who have lived in some sort of mountainous region of the South. And probably at one time had a farm animal for a pet. I even capitalized Southern so as not to offend too deeply.

Yet, one "What can I do you for?" and the crowd roars. It means "What can I help you with?" or "What can I do for you?". It does not mean that I want to do naughty things to your bathing suit areas. My interaction with a patron Dohnna, whom I've purposefully mispelled her name so as to maintain her aninimity, is a great example of this.

Well Dressed CSA "Good Morning Ma'am. What can I do you for?"
Bitch: "Excuse me?"
WDCSA, unflinching and feeling she didn't hear repeated "GOOD MORNING MA'AM. What can I do you for?"
B: "This is the most inappropriate way I've ever been addressed."
WDCSA, taking my turn "Excuse me? Ma'am, what do you need?"
B:"What you just said is disgusting."
WDCSA: "Sorry, back East thing. I'm sorry if you didn't understand."
B: "Well, Im from Pennsylvania, and I've never heard that."
WDCSA: "Yeah. Well, Im not from Pennsylvania, I'm sorry to hear that."

What was that? Like a drive by. She got me out of no where. Anyway, it gets better. This woman is obviously sexually repressed, or just plain perverted..she seemed to read double entendre in to everything:

Bitch: "I have to clear my fine for a damaged book I returned"
WDCSA: "Uh oh, a fine, huh. OK"
B:"What exactly does "Uh oh" mean?"
WDCSA :"It doesn't mean anything, an expression of surprise"
B: "You're surprised? Why are you surprised?"

*moving on*

WDCSA:" Ma'am, give me one minute, I just have to bring you up"
B exclaims: "BRING ME UP? What is THAT supposed to mean?"
WDCSA, losing patience:"It means I need to bring up your library record to see your fine."
B leaning over counter:"RECORD?? I have a RECORD WITH YOU PEOPLE?"
WDCSA:"some times its referred to as an account. Even I have one."

*moving on*

WDCSA:"OK, the fine is $14.95."
Bitch: "Who do I make the cheque out to?"
WDCSA: "Either *ML or ******** Metropolitan Library"
B: "Will you make your mind up? Which one is it?"
WDCSA, choosing the longer of the two because I now HATE this patron "The latter Ma'am".

How terribly aggrivating. The mid-west is draining me. I need a weekend in the Hamptons to recharge my batteries. I kept thinking of what my chain smoking mother would have said to her. She wouldn't have been as kind and gracious as me. My mother would have stood her ground, and kept the back-East ease right up. I succumbed. I spoke her language. Good customer service I suppose, but horrible to my own constitution.

At any rate, I've also planted two flower beds, which bring me much needed solace when I come home to my quaint city townhouse.

Moral of this story: Even pretty people have limits. Especially with the ugly ones.

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