Friday, August 20, 2004

Nailed



I've been promising myself to write about this, but didn't really have enough fodder until recently to create something worthy.

I will be the first in line for a manicure, and a pedicure. I think that healthy nails speak volumes about the person. I will however draw the line at turning each finger nail into a work of art. I think body art is a wonderful expression. I enjoy seeing piercings, and tattoos, but somehow this is just taking it one step too far.

My first adventure with the "coco nails" as I've always called them occurred weeks ago when I was cleaning up the computer stations. Some of my devotees may remember my recounting cleaning up a box of Lucky Charms, a bottle of red pop, and the very elaborate fake fingernail that was on the floor.

Second, during summer reading club, a woman dropped something. A volunteen (volunteer+teen=volunteen) picked it up and returned it to the woman. It was a gold crusted fingernail with a rhinestone in it. Very kind of that volunteen to return such an obviously costly piece. The woman was very grateful.

I'd have died of embarrassment if someone said "HEY! Here is one of your fingernails."

The other night while emptying book drop, a woman was dropping off CD's and DVD's. About 3 minutes before close. We began picking them out of the book drop as she was putting them in. At one point she said "OOOh, I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean to stick you..." to my co-worker. Her nails were at least 1 1/2 inches long, bright red, with a silver glitter bridge diagonally crossing each nail.

When you have to be careful because of your fingernails, you have gone to far. They are now a weapon, and you...no matter how much lamee or finery you add to them are the non-mutant equivalent of Wolverine. We are not allowed to carry knives, yet this is legal.

The ladies with the coco nails can't even use the self check machine properly. It is a touch screen unit, much like an ATM machine. They have to use their knuckles to press the screen because their nails keep them too far away.

How do people with nails like that do simple thinks like put in contact lenses and eat canapes? More over, how do they "clean up" after a stint in the powder room?
One has to wonder if it looks like torn up wall paper down there. OK, one doesn't have to wonder that.

I've seen Chinese characters (I wonder if they might be like "how to instructions"?), hoops, studs, and palm trees (how tropical!) added as embellishments. I will say something if someone has portraits done though. I promise.

I will say they are well maintained. At least no one has dirt under thier nails. I guess coco nails aren't meant for gardeners. Just not for me, but still a point of amusement.

Moral of this blog: Size does matter.

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