Friday, April 30, 2004

Undercover Librarian

Now that I have completely given up hopes on becoming a cataloguer, living a glam life in a posh office I started thinking about other glam positions that I could have as a librarian. Then I started thinking-what about becoming a spy librarian? So I dug around a little bit and found this job .

Imagine it, me a real bonafide CIA librarian. Exciting right? I'd get to wear Dolce Gabana sunglasses, and live in D.C. That would be excellent. I graduate next year with my MLS, and I'll be plenty qualified, my history is as clean as, well, my townhouse.

I could do all sorts of research, and all the while seem unsuspecting, and very posh. I could live out my black tie party fantasies only now I'd also get to wear a button in my ear. Now thats a hot job.

I'm not exactly sure what drove me to want to become a librarian. It seems that lawyers, doctors, and movie stars would be the ones living the glam life that I want...but then again, I've wanted to be a librarian since I was 5. I've had plenty of time to figure out what exactly I can do to make this a sexy profession.

And on a lighter note, after next week...I'll be half done with my MLS, only one more year to go. My finals are next week, and I've been a busy boy. This hopefully will quell any ideas you had about where I've been. I have not started my covert excerises as CIA librarian yet.

Now I have to finish my cataloguing paper. And if you have any other fantasy librarian jobs I should consider, please tell me!

Moral of this blog: Someday I'll be the spy who loved you. And nobody can do it better. Take that Roger Moore.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Cardinal Rule

My dear co-worker SC&C is no longer with our system. She has left to persue other goals, and will be working with autistic children. She had a going away party on Saturday night.

One of my own personal rules is never, ever socialize with co-workers outside of work. Its more or less akin to not mixing my personal life with my professional life. I realize that this is an excellent time to make connections, mingle, and chat it up with people that could present new job opportunities to myself. Nevertheless, I do not socialize outside of work.

Instead, I tend to go out with friends that my partner and I have made on our own, leaving social ties behind.

It was a lot of fun to go. All the while in the back of my head I felt like I was doing something as bad as breaking kosher, or parking my car in someone else's space. SC&C is one of my dearest friends though, so it really softened the blow. I talked to my Grandmother about doing this. I talk to her every single morning while I take my coffee on the back porch. She agreed that sometimes breaking from tradition is OK, and that because SC&C was no longer going to work with me, it technically wasn't breaking "that rule", only bending it to accomodate the situation. Thanks Grandma.

At my OCJ, I didn't have to leave the office to socialize. We were an island unto ourselves. With a major rum company as a client, as well as a major soft-drink company...we never had to leave the office in order to get tipsy and have a little fun. Socialization was built into the fabric of my day. Now, in order to do that, you have to visit someones home, talk about non-work related things and give people a bird-eye (or cardinals eye) into your life. That makes me super

When I left at 10, SC&C gave me a hug good-bye. Out of all of this I have realized that I have made a true friend, and I am glad that I broke with this little sentiment. I know rules are meant to be broken, but when you have a type A personality, that can be rough. We agreed now that we no longer worked together, we can go out all the time and really begin having some fun. I'd let her into my world a few times before by sharing some personal things, which I normally dont' do. It's worth it. Grandma said "Good people are good people, snap them up when they come around". Now that's some good advice.

Moral of this blog: People who need people are indeed the luckiest people in the world.(good one Babs) I'll miss seeing you at work SC&C, but I look forward to the start of a beautiful, deeper friendship.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Ahhh, volunteers

During my daily shelving rounds, I often find myself within an earshot of the patrons brilliant conversations. Sometimes they are on a cell phone, other times they are discussing various and sordid topics with a friend. This time I overheard a conversation between a former volunteer (whom we fired) and her social worker. The former volunteer is an older woman, who only wears black. Her hair is kept in an updo, like Lila Quartermaine on General Hospital. She wears black bobby socks with heels and overall is very creepy.

The Other Handsome Guy that I work with overheard another part. I've combined the two for your eavesdropping pleasure:

Former Volunteer: "Sure, I'd love to help with the yard sale for our building."
Social Worker: "Thats great, I'll mark you down. I'm sorry that we couldn't have you volunteer in the state capitol."
FV: "That's OK. Say, do I get a cut of the proceeds?"
SW: "No, they all go to our building" (i.e. group home)
FV: "I've been finding lots of money in the dumpsters lately, so thats OK"
SW: *raised eyebrows* "Oh, thats nice."
FV: "I especially love it when I find clothes. People always leave change in their pockets. You know people just throw away their change. No one likes it. Just last week I found $7.00 in change!!"
SW:"Oh, thats nice."
FV: "Its really great. It really helps my income. I just go through the dumpsters, and I find it. Once I found a back pack, and there was over $5.00 in it!"
SW: "OH! Well thats good fortune for you."

Now the best one, its the one that the Other Handsome Guy overheard:
FV: "I was thinking that people should buy their coffins early, and just put shelves in them. They can be used for a bookcase. Just put it in your living room, and then when you die just take the books out and you can use it for your burial!"
SW: "Oh, well, erm, That's an idea."

WHAT?? Dear G-d. That is disgusting. Why would she even think of something like that? I can imagine people using old trunks in their living rooms, and then when they move use them to pack. Thats reasonable. I used to have my old steamer trunk in my sitting room, and had big throw pillows on it...more seating room in my old Chicago apartment. But a coffin-cum-bookcase? That's a little out there. I've heard of people dying for a good book, but this is taking it a step too far. A few steps to far.

And one more point to note, with my nice little death theme giong on...they found another body in another dumpster 3 blocks from my house. This makes 2 in one week. Isn't this a classy place?

Moral of this blog: You might find more than change in the dumpsters around here.
2nd Moral of this blog: You can go too far with utilitarian furniture.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Wedding Bells

This weekend my partner's sister got married. It was lovely and beautiful, and everyone looked devistatingly gorgeous. This made me realize what I am really missing out on. Its so beautiful, and I can't have it.

A registry.

So, when I went to pick up the platter at Macy's, I realized that I too needed something. So, for a special gift to myself and future generations, I purchased the ENTIRE service for 8 in Johnson Brothers "Old British Castles". The pattern is from 1928, and was issued in 1930, and its simply delicious. They are my new every day dishes. I did think of making them my new Passover dishes, but thats no fun. I wanted coffee out of a cup and saucer.

Now the only problem is, this makes my 9th full set of china. I have two china cabinets full, and all my kitchen cupboards, as well as some storage in the basement. And its not just china. Its lead crystal and glassware. And serving pieces. My Thanksgiving dinner is served on a full service of mix and match Amber depression glass. I really need to stop. Oh well. Someday. Plus it was on sale. Who was I to say no to that deal?

I realized that if I set up a registry, my entire family can send me the few pieces I didn't buy for gifts. Like the gravy boat platter, the milk jug, and the taureen, vases, and the like. Every year they have a new piece! Super! Its like my birthday all year round. And I can rest assured that even with out the sanctity of marriage, I'll have better dishes than most people.

Moral of this blog: If I can't get married, Im going to have EVERYTHING else.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Murder, He Wrote

I know you are all aching to know what has been going on in my terribly posh life.

In the style of all great librarians, I broke Passover early, so that I could keep ahead of the game.

Then this morning, whilel applying my pore concealer I overheard my news anchoress talking about a murder on X Avenue, in the Alley.

I ran in and looked, and thought, "G-d, that looks really familiar". Maybe I should have just looked out the office window to watch the broadcast. The cars and news channel 10 were right out there. It was the alley behind my townhouse. Apparently, some poor unsuspecting indegent person was clubbed over the head with a blunt intrument, and left in a dumpster two houses up, behind a large church.

So much for smancy posh neighborhoods. I called my Mother to tell her. In a true NY Mom way, she replied "Classy neighborhood you got there".

Despite wanting to try out my well rehearsed Murder She Wrote fantasies, I worked instead on my Bibliography power point presentation. It really is the dryest subject I have ever dealt with. I tried to make it humorous, but it strained even my supercomic genius.

Perhaps I should have joined both into one presentation Bore you to death Bibliographies . Catchy, eh?
Retro hip librarian suggested t-shirts that said "Dewey or Die", that would have also been a catchy title. I have a feeling that the person who got whacked was a patron. I hate to see circ numbers drop because of homicide.

I am still contemplating going to the crime scene and poking around, just to see if the coppers missed any clues, like footprints or a torn piece of fabric. They always seem to be lying about.

Alright, time to turn my thoughts to literature review as a library practice.

Moral of this blog: I hope I am not bludgeoned to death, and left in a dumpster. I'm imagining a heart attack during a rousing game of shuffle board.

Monday, April 05, 2004

Happy Pesach!

I'm just waiting for the guests to arrive for my seder. The table is laid in vintage pink Taylor Smith and Taylor 'pink lace' pattern, and there are fresh pink and magenta carnations. The place mats are cream with light blue and white forget-me-nots embroidered into them. I think this may be my prettiest table for Passover yet.

I am also tired. I moved my shift up at the library today, and because the other page just retired, I am it. I have not eaten anything since this morning (my last bagel for 8 days!), and I am ready to get busy with this chicken and bottle of Mogen David.

Thank you to my readers for making my little corner of the web successful over these past 8 months, and even if you are not a little Heeb like me, enjoy tonight!

Moral of this blog: Manischewitz made a small fortune today.

Thursday, April 01, 2004

A New Path

I have been doing some serious thinking about where I am going with all of this. Today I had the pleasure of visiting the largest cataloguing agency on earth. It was too much for me. I don't think I want to do this anymore.

I was thinking of gynocological medicine. I'm not too familiar with the "clockwork" down there, but I'm sure I could accomplish an exam with a laser pointer, and a bit more participation than usual from the patient.

The pay is better, and I've already been accepted by 2 med was either this or library science.

Moral of this blog: APRIL FOOLS