Friday, December 31, 2004

Resolutions of a Well Dressed Librarian

This year? What could I possibly resolve to do this year? I am one of the most resolute people I've ever met in my entire life, not to mention hot.

How about something cliche? "I want to make a difference in the field of library science." Mucho generico.

I already have made a huge difference-just by being a sexy librarian? Come-on. Thats like 8 years worth of contribution to the field.

Of course, I do want to learn Yiddish this year. Thats one. A hot ethnic librarian. Mmmm, kinda makes you all puffy down there doesn't it? Thats my job. Serve the answer seeking public. If they end up having private little fantasies about me and my well fitted trousers, well, thats up to them isn't it?

I do resolve to be a hotter, more Jewish librarian this 2005.

Should I resolve something more?

Maybe. But being a hot librarian is a pretty tall order to begin with. Not many to help share the burden, ya know what I mean. I also resolve to remove the "MLIS student" from my above description on Friday May 13th. I'll replace it with attractive librarian.

Did you just roll your eyes? You can love yourself. Its OK.

Now, off to lay out this evenings clothes for the New Years party at B-'s, and a heartfelt "sorry" to the other two parties I RSVP'd out of.

Moral of this blog: 2005 is going to be pop-your-cork hot for this librarian.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

How long can I rent this for?

Because the almost square state was completely quashed with snow this past week, the library where I work had to engage in emergency shut down mode. The library was closed last Thursday because of the dangerous conditions the weather created. The library was subsequently closed for Christmas Eve day, and Christmas, and as usual Sunday. This meant the public library going crowd was AV free for 4 days.

The library re-opened yesterday. And like drug addicts lining up for clean needles, so too did the AV loving community for the opening on Monday.

Usually, on Monday we have 2 or 3 waiting to get in to the branch. Not this time. A full crowd had lined up. But first some back story.

The book drop was almost totally full of DVD's and Videos. I understand our chief concern is to increase circulation traffic with popular items. But when the BOOK drop is full of VIDEOS there is a small inbalance.

A dear, and favorite colleague recently noted that we should change the sign above the BOOK drop to read "Audio Visual Drop", with a note that you can put books in it as well. No one checks books out of the library. Its all AV.

Which is fine. If you can't read, or have no desire to read...come check out a video or two. The problem is, people are opening library cards for "their kids"...they might as well just call them the "Video gettin' cards". Patrons are allowed 5 videos per card. So, one patron under the guise of a mother with 3 children can check out 20 videos. And they do. And come back for 20 more the next day. At an average of 2 hours per movie, that is 40 hours of viewing for one 24 hour day. How do they do it? Is their a trick I don't know about, further, do I want to know about it?

By now you are thinking "tie it all together dear WDL". So I will. When the approaching storm neared, almost our entire video selection was cleared out. Notably, so were all the eggs, milk, and bread at the nearby grocery store. Panic shopping. Only the library isn't for shopping. No money exchanged.

So why do patrons ask "HOW LONG CAN I RENT THIS FOR?" You aren't paying for anything. You are not renting the movies. This is not Blockbuster, or even NetFliks. Please, you do not ask a department store clerk "Can I borrow this?" and hold up a vase, or a pair of trousers. Yet, the AV loving community continues to ask this question. Best is when they ask for a film that is currently playing in the theatre. We're good, but not that good.

Perhaps its wrote, but these people aren't the video renting kind..thats why they come to the library. Oh, AV lovers. Where do you come from? I encourage you to go back.

Yesterday, someone even asked if we had an ATM machine. Yes, its right next to the popcorn popper.

Moral of this blog: No, we don't have those kind of adult films, sir. I'd try the Lion's Den.

I'm done soaking in it, OR 2004 in Review

2004 is almost over with my dear readers. People ask me, what happened this past year that has really changed your life? Outside of buying a pink ascot, I'm not really sure what has "shaped me", nothing really lights the corners of my mind when I think of 2004. But I'll make a go at it.

Weezy Jefferson, aka Isabel Sanford
Fay Wray, aka the lady in King Kong
Captain Kangaroo
Julia Child
Madge, the pamolive lady.
Peter Ustinov
Alistair Cooke, the voice of Masterpiece Theatre
Estee Lauder

I could go on. These were just a few that made me gasp when I found out. One of those "ohhh, not them" sorts of reactions.


*Mr."Exercise Video", checks lots of them out...only I know he's not exercising to them...well, the way they are meant to be worked out to. But hey, if he thinks its free porn, then let him.

*Getting the new self-check out machines. G-d forbid the public learn to do ANYTHING for themselves.

Disgruntled patron: "You know you are going to lose your job? Computers do it all, I can't even talk to a person anymore"

WDL: "You are talking to a person right now."

*Almost 100% staff turn around at my branch. Maybe it is as dog eat dog as the corporate world.

*I interned at a very prestigious University for my final paper. The only thing that happened in 2004 that made me question wanting to be a corporate librarian. The experience was that wonderful. But, I still want to Thbe Bunny Winters.

*The Well Dressed Librarian's blog was discovered. And not by more adoring fans. It actually drove up my site traffic. Thanks!

*I realized that children under 10 know words like "fuck", "shit", "cunt", "whore", "faggot" and "bitch". Not only do they know them, but use them in context. Ahhh, inner city youth.

*I became an uncle for the 3rd time.
*My cat gained 3.5 more lbs, now weighing in at 21.9 lbs.
*I switched to a Chanel fragrance
*I celebrated my 6 year anniversary with my boyfriend
*Hosted my largest Thanksgiving to date
*Went home to visit for the first time in 3 years.
*Seriously invested in China (not the country you idiot, the type you eat off of)..and here you were having kind thoughts of me.

So that wraps 2004. If any of you have other ideas for what you feel shaped my life, please let me know. I'm sure one of my bitter readers will feel that they had a profound effect on me, and will be greatly disheartened when they don't see their name(s).

As you can see, a year boils down to almost nothing. Hard to believe another one is on its way.

Moral of this blog: If you are alone on New Year, just drink more. You won't even notice.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

A Well Dressed Christmas

Holiday Greetings from the WDL. As the holiday approaches, I often become filled with thoughs as to what this time of year means.

Lets start with the weather in the almost sqare state. We have tons of snow. We didn't two days ago, but we do now. Everything as far as my perfectly almond shaped eyes can see is covered with ice and snow. Nothing says Christmas like a level 2 snow emergency. We are trapped here, and unable to leave to visit my boyfriends hour and a half away because my county is surrounded by level 3 snow emergencies, which means no travel. Glad I stocked up on Peppermint Schnapps!

Second, for all of you who induldge in domestic bliss & clearing the walks..some fashion advice. This is the time of year when people have heart attacks while clearing the walks. My suggestion is to dress well, so if you do happen to die, you won't be embarrassed. While I did have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth while I was shoveling..I was wearing cordovan patent leather loafers, chocolate pin striped pants, a white shirt with curry colored stripes, and a Donna Karan pink and salmon tie. This was capped with a white cardigan. I wore a grey wool 8 button pea-coat, a black newsboy cap, and a khaki Burberry plaid scarf. Had I died, my corpse would have been perfectly ready to inter. They would have, of course, decided my cause of death as over exertion, and pulminary failure due to smoking. Clever, no? Of course, designer underwear are de rigeur-and I don't have to mention that to my well dressed readers. I happen to prefer trunk cut boxer briefs, but that is only because I have an incredibally cute and well toned lower abdomen.

Another suggestion for being snowed in: Color coordinate your closet. All your clothes should be in order by color, specifically ROYGBIV order. Blacks, followed by Whites (its alphabetical at that point).

I suggest these things to you because I am not only a fashionista, but also quite practical. Fashion Cares, and so do I.

Shoveling snow in couture may seem impossible to some, but my question is: Have you tried it? Of course you haven't, because you all think shoveling snow isn't a special occasion. Every day is a special occasion in my gracious, gay, Truman Capote world. So look the part. Besides, death isn't pretty, or so they say. We might as well make the best of it, n'est pas?

With these happy yet practical words, I wish you all a Safe & Merry Christmas. And to all my Pagan fans, a belated and happy Winter Solstace.

Moral of this blog:I'm not going to be dreaming about a white Christmas, I'll be living it.

Friday, December 17, 2004

I knew they looked like this

OK, just got a call from my favorite cousin in NY, and she informed me about this. Be warned. I knew it was true. This link is only good for 48 hours, but I actually think that is a blessing.

moral of this blog: Where are the teeth?

Ban Gay Books

Read about this yet? Seems Republican Gerald Allen, who can be contacted at:

State House: Room 531
11 S. Union Street
Montgomery, AL 36130
(334) 242-7758 District: Post Office Box 71001
Tuscaloosa, AL 35407
Work Phone: (205) 556-5310
Home Phone: (205) 556-5310

wants to get rid of all the gay books, and has suggested burying them in a big hole. Now as a Gay Librarian, I do not think this is a good idea.

Does this whole banning books on a specific subject ring any bells to anyone? Hmm. Maybe its just because I'm Jewish too that it leaves a sinking feeling in my stomach.

N.B. All the information was taken from his homepage. I didn't have to do much digging to find it.

Moral of this blog: I can suggest a hole where I'd be happy to put a couple of gay books. Perhaps he'll learn by osmosis during the experience.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Hark, the harold jailbird sings

I realize that I promised no more public library blogs, but sometimes things are too good not to share.

Yesterday morning, as I was clearing out the book drop, a few more things came through the slot, and nearly missed hitting my perfectly coifed head. After picking up the DVD's that were returned I noticed a bright red envelope.

"How nice," I thought to myself "the patrons are remembering us this during the holiday season." So I took the DVD's out to the desk, and waved the festive red envelope around, and announced "It looks like we got a Christmas card!"

Then I turned it over, and realized that it wasn't even addressed to us. Instead it was addressed to an inmate, complete with prisoner number.

Of course I didn't open it, that would be a terrible crime. But I realized that I am honestly working in da hood. What is a holiday unless you send a warm fuzzy greeting to an incarcerated loved one? I put it in the out going mail pile, and washed my hands with hot water and soap. The kind we use to take gum off of books.

So, happy holidays to all of you locked up this holiday. Even you dear Ms. Stewart.

Moral of this blog: Jail Mail, its a good thing.

Mmmm. Now Finish me off

Alas I am three quarters of the way done with this MLS degree. I handed in my version of my thesis today: "Bibliographic Instruction and Information Literacy in Undergraduate Institutions". This was after completing "Preservation Selection Methods for print material in Academic Institutions" and "Indexing Non-Print materials."

I am so finished. Today I had a laugh with my advisor. She recounted to me that when I came on board, I was bound and determined to become the next celebrity cataloguer. (who knew there weren't any?). As I handed in my final, I whispered to her "I am switching gears...I'm going reference, I can't handle this..."

While I only half remember saying something like that, its true. I had a bleeding ulcer by the time I was done with my cataloguing final...which hasn't stopped me from taking Cataloguing II this spring. Which reminds me...

I graduate in May. I will officially be the Well Dressed Librarian. Archive Managment, E-Publishing, and Cataloguing II...then I'm finished. I've already finished my scholarly paper...a semester early I won't have to deal with that later. I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I have nothing to do, like I should be researching something. I spent so much time cleaning my house, reorganizing my closet and sock drawer in to color order, and moving paintings around in my house to procrastinate on my real work...and now there isn't any to do. Even my house is immaculate. Maybe I can alphabatize my spice cabinet again...even though its already in alphabetical order. Rainman watch out.

Moral of this blog: Nothing feels better than finishing...especially if its at the same time.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Well Dressed Christmas Party

What a better way to spend the holidays, then going to parties. Last night the WDL went to a fabulous *Christmas* party. The decorations were impecable, and who wouldn't expect that from a friends named CoCo & Amiti? The mantle was decked in white tapers, and pillars, wrapped with tinsel and garland swags. Big band Christmas music wafted through the house. The smell of mulled cider and gingerbread filled my senses.

At any rate, I realized as I looked around at all the happy shiney faces, I was alone. The only Jew at the party. Which in most situations isn't a bad thing. I do enjoy getting a bit of center stage time. I even wore my "Everybody loves a Jewish Boy" t-shirt...(I actually looked a bit skater boy with my Diesel sneakers on).

Fortunately, as the party progressed, another "one" arrived at the party so I didn't feel quite so alone.

I had to laugh. My experience last night was the equivlant of Barbara Striesand's Christmas Album. On odd pairing, but never the less essential.

Did I just call myself essential? And had I been thinking about something besides bringing champagne, I might have remembered to bring the Babs album. In fact, I think I'll play them today. Plus it will give me a reason to belt out Ave Maria.

Moral of this blog: For a successful Christmas party, add one part champagne, one part jews.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Season of Lights

Happy Holidays to all my devoted Jewish fans. Tonight is the second night of Chanukah. Because it is a holiday about the miracle of oil lasting for too long, we get to eat lots of food fried in oil. Doughnuts, Latkas. We also get to eat lots of dairy, thanks to Judith getting the Syrians hammered on cheese and wine. Well, the cheese didn't help get them hammered.

In our house, there are two menorahs. One is lit near a window to let all the nice Christians in the almost square state know that a Jew lives among them. The other is lit on the mantle. Luckily, the holiday will be done in time for my guy to "hang stockings with care" in the same place a bit later.

One of the things I love about this holiday is the shock that people go through when they realize that it is not at the exact same time as Christmas. What were us Jews thinking coming up with our own calendar?

Its also a season for me to wear lots of blue. Today in fact I am wearing a blue cardigan with a blue and bluer Beau Brummel polka dotted tie. I'm glad I don't have to wear Christmas sweaters with glitter and trees on them. Besides, I look miserable in red.

Moral of this blog: NEVER blow out Chanukah candles. Let them burn out!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


*picture removed* but imagine Aretha wearing white, and weighing in at around 500 lbs.

This photo was taken at the Kennedy Center honors. I haven't seen Aretha in a minute, but my G-d, how she's grown.

Moral of this blog:White isn't slimming either.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Well Dressed News

The WDL doesn't often give "props" to those who dress well. Bravo's latest reality show, Project Runway has given me a new small obsession. Mr. Austin Scarlett.

Perhaps the dandiest of dressers since me, he is completely on top of what is couture, and what style means. His hair is a bit reminiscent of the Dentist wanna be elf, Hermey, in Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. I still think he is one of the prettiest men I've ever seen. I have to confess a small weakness for pretty men. I mean I do like hunky men, but the pretty ones are so nice to see. He even wears ascots. Now that is style.

My advice is to tune into project runway. Check your local listings.

Moral of this blog: Fashion cares.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Naughty Corporate Librarian

Looks like Jodie got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Guess even corporate librarians can be a little bad once in a while.

I put this here to illustrate how NOT to be a corporate librarian.

Keep reading here to learn the proper approach to haute corporate librarianism.

Moral of this blog: Darlin' you give corporate librarians a bad name....