Thursday, February 17, 2005

WDL wonders "What's next?"

librarian interview I graduate in May. May 13th to be exact and its a Friday. Should this urban-legendesque date make me fear what is to come? I told someone today that I feel like its finally my turn, and I'm just standing on the diving board, looking into the pool. Euphemistically, that sounds much better than the reality of it all. I am going to have a Masters degree and no job. Sure, I can keep my part time job handing out library cards, but I don't think that's what people with Masters in Library Science really do with their degrees.

The real quandary is this: any job I get is going to require me to move away from the almost square state...leaving behind my boyfriend of 7 years. I've been forewarned that growing up is sometimes challenging, but no one ever mentioned this part. I have to look at it realistically: am I ever going to land that dream job with Phillips, Christies, or Sothebys by staying here? No. Do I want to buy a house here and settle down? No. Can my boyfriend express himself fully as a University trained choreographer in the almost square state? No.

This kinda means big cities have to be on my list. Besides, I'd wither if I didn't have some culture to prop myself up on, more often than not. Waiting 6 months for an art film to arrive here is painful, missing Thai food is painful, not having a dry cleaners within walking distance is inconvenient...but not living out my dreams is the most pressing issue. We work as a team now, and that is the direction I have to take us in. I am done first, so its kinda sorta up to me to blaze that trail.

For instance, even if I got a knock up bang down job offer from a prestigious museum in, say Maine, I would not take the job because the other half of my "team" couldn't find work there. If I were single, I'd do it in a heart beat. Then there are the kitties. Moscow, my affectionate fur blob and her sophisticated very feline sister Sophie. Do they come with or stay behind with him, and sit alone for hours while he is at school for 12-14 hours a day? The SUV, the townhouse rental, the hordes of period furniture & dishes. All of this runs through my mind, but there never seems to be a "great time to sit down and talk about it."

So, paving a career to be a celebrity librarian isn't all its cracked up to be. I'd like it if everything could be as easily compartmentalized as a well written catalogue. Only real life dictates that we plan as we go...only I don't know where I'm going yet. For once the WDL is at a loss. Not completely, but much more than usual...and the clock is ticking. Its going to be May 13 before I even know it.

I'd be crazy to let a great job go, if the location would suit both of us, no? I'm brave enough to be alone for 1 year, no? This is not something they teach in Library School.

Einstein once said "It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely." This is my fear. Good at what I do, and no one to share it with. Sure, planes, trains, and automobiles are ideas as are e-mails, ink to page, and cards...its just not the same. Does it appear that I want my cake and to eat it to? Or am I finally realizing, I'm only human.

Moral of this blog: Cold exteriors can hide warm hearts.

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