Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Tricks of the Trade

Blogs in the field of library science are always discounted if they don't have 15 helpful links, and a bunch of boring OCLC news. My dear readers, my contribution to the field is to give it an edge. I am tired of all the boring old boring old sterotypes that actually sprout from nothingness. I decided to make a contribution worthy of the press. While I was sitting here thinking about writing something totally scandalous, I thought of those crappy Fox specials where they reveal how magic is REALLY done. So I thought, why not gab about our truths?

To start, some boring revelations:

*There is actually nothing special behind the "STAFF ONLY" door. In fact, its actually crappier than the rest of the library. As a patron, you are actually in a good place by being on the other side of that door.

*Librarians are people too. Please don't be astonished when you see us at the movie theatre, at the grocery store, or at a bar.

*Hot librarians, moderately hot librarians, and even some ugly librarians have sex. Please do not be astonished if you see us in public holding hands with someone that we are looking at with a rather "Take me now" look.

Some moderately interesting revelations:

*Librarians need a masters degree in Library Science to actually call themselves "Librarians". Although, some really really old librarians don't have this degree, and administration has grandfathered them in. Most of us have this degree.

*Despite the common idea that all male librarians are gay, it is not true. In fact, right now, I only know one other gay male librarian (personally). All of my male professors and colleagues are straight as arrows. Married, with kids. And while some readers may question whether or not that married with kids means straight, in my sheltered world, it does. Plus, none of them have come on to me. Which would be a dead give away, being the hot bait that I am.

*Everyone who works in a library is not a librarian.

*If we are nice to you, it doesn't mean we want to have sex with you. It means we are doing part of our job.

The Good Stuff:
*When patrons go to look for books on a subject, many librarians google the question, and give them those answers. We aren't magic, but do like the mistique.

*Catalogers often make up MARC records because they have no idea what they are doing. Check World Cat anyday. Some of those records make that something rotten in the state of Denmark smell good.

*Ever wondered why you can't get your hands on a book? Someone at the library probably has it. We don't have late fines, so we keep stuff forever.

*Librarians should always offer to follow up with you if they can't answer your question right there at the desk. ie take your phone number, email address. If they don't, they are breaking a small, unspoken code of ethics.

*There is ALWAYS an answer. Maybe not right at hand, but its there. Just because that librarian can't find it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. But they will tell you it doesn't. Lies, all lies I tell you. --- Mind you, this doesn't mean a librarian can find the cell phone number of your ex-girlfriend.

If I mention some of the other stuff, I might not be allowed to work in the field. So, there you have it. Juicy gossip about one of the most respected and endearing professions.

Moral of this blog: the mind simply reels...

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