Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Well Dressed Patronage

hot sexy coeds So, like any good librarian wondering what exactly brings the patrons in, I installed a low-tech traffic stats counter. Its only purpose is to see what people come to this particular piece of the web for.

I have to admit. I was totally shocked.

It seems people have actually been coming here for scholarship information. I guess it was good that I put a few bits and pieces in here about scholarships for other hot, Jewish, potential librarians.

Not surprisingly, people also came here because I use the terms "hot and sexy" to describe librarians, more often than not. The only true shocker was "wet, hot co-eds", which I do not remember putting into my blog at any point in time, but it brought some pervo from Great Britain here. In honor of him, I have posted a picture of hot, female co-eds up in the corner. The context: the are in an engine plant. I'm sure they are hot because of the temperature. If they sweat a bit, they might even be hot, wet co-eds. Good, now I've ensured a bit more traffic at my little piece of the web.

Now that I know what draws the kids in, I can set up house properly. I've also found that when I go on about myself, I get triple the number of hits versus when I post something scholarly. Guess this says something too. Its kind of pie in the eye for the folks who argue that blogs should be a professional tool. Call me a corporate whore, but its the numbers that count to me. Actually, that might be my new tag line.

I'm astonished that I actually have readers from all over the world. Just last night, I had visitors from several states and a few countries. Excellent, I can now officially call myself international. I probably could have before, but now I have facts and figures to back me up, instead of several photographs taken infront of major European landmarks. Though I do look hot infront of Big Ben. Just saying that is hot.

I've also been thinking, what exactly is a Well Dressed Librarian? Is it someone who can just waltz into a Bloomies and come out with some chic retro-geek looking tweeds and carry it off tied to a MLIS? Or is it being label concious? I can tell you one thing, outside of my signature plaid scarf...you'd be hard up telling who I was wearing. Its all about how you carry yourself (plus the MLIS for good measure). Have I always been well dressed? Depends. The 80's were tough on all of us. I was cute, but didn't escape the bowl cut. I was pleased to note that I looked a bit like this when I was young. It wasn't until my first year of college that I started to worry about everything. That is when I first shaped my eyebrows, began shaving with a razor instead of an electric shaver, and going to a stylist rather than a barber.

My sophomore year, a dear friend at a near by college asked me to accompany her to a ball. Her boyfriend had dumped her, and we were best friends in high school. I said sure, and dressed in the best I had. I looked like a schlub compared to the other guys at the ball. I was so upset with myself. I actually threw away most of my clothes, and then went shopping. From that moment on, no one has ever questioned me about my fashion sensibility. So yes, devoted readers, in essence, trauma brought me to my present state of glamourocity. A pretty boy with perfect clothes, a subtle french fragrance, and manners to boot. I had become the person I always wanted to be. Only I wasn't a librarian.

Over the years, I've acquired a vintage tuxedo (which I wore twice weekly while at Oxford), too many sports coats, ties, then bowties, now ascots. French cuffs replaced most of my regular button down shirts. I admit, I do take days to get dressed in the morning...which is part of the reason I have to get up at 6, no matter what day of the week it is.

A well dressed librarian does own lounge wear, but doesn't let it take control of his life. This is why I have 2 pairs of sweats, a few zippies (thats what we call vintage track jackets), and a sweat shirt, that is reserved purely for end of year gardening. Everything can be cleaned, so there is no real excuse for not cleaning house with an apron over nice things. One never knows when a guest may drop in unexpectedly. Put out the tea things, slip out of the apron..and poof. Perfect...just like always.

And of course, I'm almost done with that MLIS degree. Ahhh. Finally. A well dressed librarian.

Moral of this blog: Hot librarians were once hot co-eds.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Well Dressed News

gay boys love Nancy DrewI find that once in a while I like to see whats going on around the country, in library related news. Usually I find interesting bits about librarians retiring, librarians being silenced by Castro, aging pop stars who wished they were librarians, and the like.

While browsing through more library news, I uncovered an article of a distincly odd color. This librarian likes to read to little boys. I know its a perfectly nice thing to read to little boys. I don't know about you, but I think he looks kinda creepy.

On another note a hot, black librarian is having some trouble at work. This is what I mean. Hot people have it so rough. Though, I still haven't seen a decent picture of her to see if she is full of herself, or if she really, like me, can call herself attractive.

When news of the actual librarians runs dry, we talk about the buildings they work in. Today, as a matter of fact marks the 200,000th visitor to the Clinton Library. I wonder how many of those people were actually from Arkansas. Hmmmm.

At anyrate, until I start making news of my own, I'll have to pass this along to you, my dear devoted readers.

Moral of this blog: I'm glad I read Nancy Drew to myself when I was a boy.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Drinkies anyone?

AA here I come Moral of this blog: I think this means I'm a lush.

You are Bacardi 151!!! Congratulations! You're 139 proof, with specific scores in beer (60) , wine (133), and liquor (95).

All right. No more messing around. Your knowledge of alcohol is so high that you have drinking and getting plastered down to a science. Sure, you could get wasted drinking beer, but who needs all those trips to the bathroom? You head straight for the bar and pick up that which is most efficient.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 68% on proof

You scored higher than 86% on beer index

You scored higher than 99% on wine index

You scored higher than 93% on liquor index

Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Liquid Luck of the Irish

not one is a 4 leaf clover I'll need it today. Today is my one and only midterm, of my final semester in grad school. The subject: Archival Management. The midterm: based on LECTURE NOTES. How insane is that?

Being the super anal retentive boy I am, I transcribed my marble notebook notes into a nice word document, that turned out to be 22 pages long. So this is what I study from. Then, in a moment of sheer panic inbetween cups of coffee, I called one of the professors and asked her all sorts of questions. Great. Now she thinks I'm a nutbag AND that I don't bother to study. Or maybe she thinks that I'm "really into archives". Whatever. I better pass this exam, I hate it when I can't skate by on charm, wit, and good looks.

I also decided to blog instead of study for the exam that is in 3 hours and 45 minutes. I mean I have studied, but I should be cramming, right? Thats normal isn't it? Will I remember the Black Box theory? (do I want to?) Who is this Richard Cox anyway, and why does everyone hate his writing? Helen Samuels, have you nothing better to do at MIT? Records Management techniques, Appraisal Theories, Documentation Strategies....did Ericson find anything in his little June Pasture experiment? Let me sum it up "The heavily funded Milwaukee archives project was a complete flop. BUT we did learn that cooperation is key". OH MY G-D! Pay me to write that.

Moral of this blog: Will 2 Baileys Irish Creams over ice provide the "luck of the Irish?" Well soon see......

Monday, March 14, 2005

Poor, poor Librarians

this better not be me

According to the NY Times, NYC librarians can hardly afford to pay rent based on a clever little scale provided by the US Gov't.

Now, just walking out into the field, this slightly concerns me. I do not want to be left out in the cold, nor do I want to be living in a hovel in Hoboken. NYC is one of the cities I'm thinking of. My partner is a choreographer, so its not much of a surprise that I'll be "helping out a bit more" with the expenses. I was also worried that I might live in Staten Island. This article relieved me of any such worries. As of today, there are no $1000-$1200 dollar rentals ANYWHERE on the island.

So, I read on. An excerpt from the paper states:

"The top occupations they have listed - security traders, commodity and financial service agents - could afford to pay, on average, $3,400 a month for rent," Dr. McCarthy said. "Their median wage is $136,000 a year." Psychiatrists, whose median wage is about $125,000, he said, can afford $3,100 a month.

"Interestingly enough," Dr. McCarthy continued, "the first occupation that can afford to rent the median apartment at $1,222 is real estate brokers, whose median income is $51,000" - throughout the five boroughs.

Among those who theoretically cannot afford $1,222 a month are police detectives, bus drivers, librarians and construction workers, who make $45,000 to $48,000 a year. They can afford about $1,125 in rent. And at the bottom of the list are manicurists, dishwashers, cashiers, service station attendants, counter clerks, home health aides, retail sales people and parking lot attendants, whose incomes of $14,000 to $18,000 a year allow them to afford rents of $350 to $450 a month.

The article goes on to say that behavior is key to getting an affordable apartment. With that, it is suggested
"Dress nicely, stalk the super, give him $50, flirt shamelessly if necessary and ask him to let you know when an apartment is available. People may have to wait until someone keels over."

I guess I better watch the obituaries in NYC, sounds like it might be better than watching the "housing available" ads.

Moral of this blog: It will be so hot when I am flirting with a Puerto Rican super. I hope I don't have to compromise my virtue as well.....

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Tricks of the Trade

Blogs in the field of library science are always discounted if they don't have 15 helpful links, and a bunch of boring OCLC news. My dear readers, my contribution to the field is to give it an edge. I am tired of all the boring old boring old sterotypes that actually sprout from nothingness. I decided to make a contribution worthy of the press. While I was sitting here thinking about writing something totally scandalous, I thought of those crappy Fox specials where they reveal how magic is REALLY done. So I thought, why not gab about our truths?

To start, some boring revelations:

*There is actually nothing special behind the "STAFF ONLY" door. In fact, its actually crappier than the rest of the library. As a patron, you are actually in a good place by being on the other side of that door.

*Librarians are people too. Please don't be astonished when you see us at the movie theatre, at the grocery store, or at a bar.

*Hot librarians, moderately hot librarians, and even some ugly librarians have sex. Please do not be astonished if you see us in public holding hands with someone that we are looking at with a rather "Take me now" look.

Some moderately interesting revelations:

*Librarians need a masters degree in Library Science to actually call themselves "Librarians". Although, some really really old librarians don't have this degree, and administration has grandfathered them in. Most of us have this degree.

*Despite the common idea that all male librarians are gay, it is not true. In fact, right now, I only know one other gay male librarian (personally). All of my male professors and colleagues are straight as arrows. Married, with kids. And while some readers may question whether or not that married with kids means straight, in my sheltered world, it does. Plus, none of them have come on to me. Which would be a dead give away, being the hot bait that I am.

*Everyone who works in a library is not a librarian.

*If we are nice to you, it doesn't mean we want to have sex with you. It means we are doing part of our job.

The Good Stuff:
*When patrons go to look for books on a subject, many librarians google the question, and give them those answers. We aren't magic, but do like the mistique.

*Catalogers often make up MARC records because they have no idea what they are doing. Check World Cat anyday. Some of those records make that something rotten in the state of Denmark smell good.

*Ever wondered why you can't get your hands on a book? Someone at the library probably has it. We don't have late fines, so we keep stuff forever.

*Librarians should always offer to follow up with you if they can't answer your question right there at the desk. ie take your phone number, email address. If they don't, they are breaking a small, unspoken code of ethics.

*There is ALWAYS an answer. Maybe not right at hand, but its there. Just because that librarian can't find it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. But they will tell you it doesn't. Lies, all lies I tell you. --- Mind you, this doesn't mean a librarian can find the cell phone number of your ex-girlfriend.

If I mention some of the other stuff, I might not be allowed to work in the field. So, there you have it. Juicy gossip about one of the most respected and endearing professions.

Moral of this blog: the mind simply reels...

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Isn't it sweet?

backstabbers This was in the news today. Apparently Martha has been voted the favorite doyenne among business leaders, by a devoted public taking some random and probably worthless survey. Yet it makes national news.

Why oh why do people love to tear people apart and then say "I've stood behind you the whole time". Idiots and liars. What an awful combination. Like a black belt with brown shoes.

I can't stand people who wish failure on others, and secretly act cheery to their faces. It makes me want to spill a hot cup of tea on their laps. Twice. And then say "oops" and offer to blot the mess with a handkerchief.

moral of this blog: I might not actually offer to blot.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Free Again...

lady running on the beach

Welcome Back Martha.

moral of this blog: I like it when things go back to the way they were, epecially when I liked them better the old way. I'm still mad they got rid of orange flavor Chapstick though.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

...and out like a lamb

large kitty Well, March is officially here. This means that I graduate in just 2 months, 13 days.

When I started this blog, people didn't even know what blogs were. I helped spread the word like a good little librarian. In the meanwhile, blogging took on a fame of its own, creating havoc in some worlds, allowing others to have voices, and then all these "celebrity" bloggers came out. I know, Wonkette has been around a while.

I candidly admit, outside of all my dinner parties and cocktail hours, I would consider myself a loner. Really, if I were to pick up the phone, I'd probably be calling my Mother or Grandmother. Rarely, if ever do I just call someone to chat, I feel like I am wasting their time. The community that I found in blogging is sort of special, because through the magic of hot links, you can instantly read and find out about the people that I consider to be future leaders in our profession, like Nettie Day and Erica Olsen, or librarians who are quiet and don't talk so much about the job, like Jonny Angel. There are other good people who regularly read my blog, and send me emails about whats happening in the field (thanks other Matthew from Virginia). These are the people who I off handedly refer to as "friends" in conversation, despite the fact that I've never met them. The same held true back at the OCJ (old corporate job, for new readers) when I worked on many projects with a guy from FIND SVP ... he sort of became a dear person to me as well...and I only spoke to him on the phone a few times a week.

Don't get me wrong. I've got lots of people who are dear to me. All my back home Chicago peeps. A few dears here in the almost square state. But professionally, I do not find myself surrounding myself with others in the field. Is this odd? My boyfriend always hangs out with other choreographers. My Mother has lots of Social Worker friends. My boyfriends Mother has lots of RN friends. Are librarians like Beta fish? Will we chew one anothers fins off if in close proximity of one another?

With March entering like a Lion, I am even more aware of the sense of solitude. This snow keeps me indoors. I can do most of my homework at home thanks to the miracle of PDF's, online reserve readings, and all the fine and dandy databases that are housed on line for Library students. I'm here a lot. Quite a quiet place to be. It is no wonder I am so house proud...its where I am. Like a shut in. Now I'm just feeling sorry for myself. With all this quiet time, there is nothing to shut out all the thoughts of impending graduation, and what I'm going to do. I wish it were simple. Maybe it is, and I'm just over analytical.

So thanks to all the people I adore. Lets keep library science alive and well on the web. If this is how librarians have to communicate with out devouring one another, I say lets go for it. Where else do you find public, private, academic, and special librarians all in one place....for the fun of it?

moral of this blog: breathe in, breathe out