Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Well Dressed Grammar

Just a quick note to all librarians: REMIND PATRONS THERE ARE 2 R's IN LIBRARIAN.

I am afraid, as evolution occurs, our name may atrophy...and all of our diplomas will be considered a "quaint proper early 21st century pronunciation".

Moral of this blog: Do you want to be a LIBARIAN??? Think about it.

Friday, June 17, 2005

A Well Dressed Crush

not this kind The fear of all attractive people: a work place crush.

Only this is a little bit different.

I was being utterly efficient, and filing some things away for my Well Dressed Director, and I found myself pulling drawer after drawer after drawer out in her credenza to put the said files away.

Youth Services: Bottom Drawer

OCLC: Middle Drawer

Adult Services: Top Drawer

And then it happened. The entire credenza leaned over on me. I was almost crushed in my WDD's office. What a way to start a job...literally killed by the work I do. I dug the heel of my cordovan patent leather square toed loafer into the floor and heaved with everything I had...and righted the credenza, and used my hip to push in the drawers. I was actually worried more about it breaking the antique chinese bowl on her conference table than I was about it squashing me all over her office. Let this be a lesson to all of you...patent leather can save your life.

After this happened, I pulled a chair out to gather my delicate sensibilities once more. Imagine had this huge filing cabinet fallen on me...and it was in an office right off the public floor. The only person that sits outside the office is a crazy guy that reads the bible outloud to himself from open til close. Would he have laid the L-rd down to come and save my Jewish ass? Who knows. All I do know is that I'm glad I lived to tell. I also learned that all my files will be in alphabetical order before I ever attempt to file again. That way I'll only have one drawer open at a time.

Moral of this blog: I'm still catching my breath.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

My Girl

precious This is quite possibly my favorite picture ever taken of my cat. I don't ordinarily blog about my pussy, but I've just awakened from the most horrible nightmare, starring Precious, and decided to blog it out of my system. It was cute to wake my Mother with a bad dream at 4 am, but not now that I'm 28. Somehow a year makes a difference, I did it just last summer for the same reason, similar dream.

You see, I got Precious when I was 9. I turn 29 in about 2 months. Because she is mine, I gave her my birthday as her own. That was pretty generous for a 9 year old. Plus it meant a double birthday party every year. So basically, Precious is a 20 year old cat. And the best one. I can say that because she lives with my Mom in New York-and she gets to "clean up" after her. Apparently geriatric pets tend to make little messes. Ah well. Such is the burden from the good fortune of having a cat for 20 years.

In my dream, my Mother called me to "break the news", more over to tell me that she had already taken Precious to the vet, lest me talk her out of it, and that Precious had to be put to sleep because she had cancer! I cried in my dream, and forced myself awake-only to leave me lying awake on the bed.

Precious was my latch key pet. After the divorce, my Mom went back to school and took a job. This meant getting off the bus by myself-so we got Precious.

Precious essentially became my furry little sister. She killed my brothers hermit crabs. I liked that. She has 8 toes on each paw, it looks like she wears winter mittens all year.

Then when I was 12, I told Precious that I liked boys. She never told, or even laughed at me.

When I moved to college she cried. When I moved to Chicago, she sat on the boxes, and didn't want to move. I have the most awful photograph of her sitting on the boxes with her head down- her boy was leaving. And I did. I've been gone now for almost 7 years. I think she's still mad.

When I call home she sqalks her old Granny meow out so I can hear that she's there. When I went home recently to visit, she remembered me, and fell down to play like she was a kitten (the cat collapse we call it now) Mom was shocked and said she hadn't done that in years.

As Holly Golightly would say "Poor Old Cat" - but at 20, she's still got her 4 pointy teeth, lives on canned cat food and can have a dairy treat of cream once in a while. She gets chewy treats for being good while my Mom is out now. I miss that poor old cat.

I don't want that phone call.

moral of this blog: I picked out her name when I was 9. How gay was I?

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Here to serve

Just to make the lives of complainers easier, I’ve created a multiple choice letter of complaint. I can’t help myself now that I really can help serve the public.

Street Address
City, State Zip
Phone (if you have one)

Dear a)Random name I picked up while complaining at a branch location,
b)Director whose name I don’t know
c)President of the library

I was recently in your a)lobby b)magazine area c)AV department d)that part with books, and I noticed a)what I’d call pornography b)something against my religion c)something inappropriate for children d)something to complain about.

I would like you to a)withdraw this material b)discontinue your subscription c)explain why I’m wrong d)do something because I am a)terribly religious b)retired c)a hypocrite d)noted for aimless rambling. If nothing is done I will a)boycott the library b)tell all my friends not to come there anymore c)write a legislator who I heard on TV d)pray to save your souls.

I a)appreciate you taking time to read this b)hope you make these changes c)will never return to the library d)am in shock that I saw said material in your library. Please let me know what you will do to correct this situation.

c)An outraged patron,

Your name

CC: a)fake leglislator
b)fake attorney
c)Captain Hook

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Memo from Administration

geek chic Greetings from Administration. I've gotta admit, I love the new job. Being the Assistant to the Director of Public Services has its perks...namely, I can go anywhere, do anything, and all in the name of Public Service.

I received my new master key, electronic pass with full permissions, my e-mail passcodes, and my parking pass today. I am officially movin' on up. This comes with a huge confidentiality clause in my paperwork. I can't talk about anything that happens behind closed doors, which is actually kind of cool. Top Secret stuff. I know how much we pay for toilet paper every month, but I'm not telling.

My boss is graceful, and kind. Her Assistant Directors are funny, witty, kind,and smart as whips. In the course of my first day, they took me out for chinese, and they asked me all sorts of questions.

"So, tell us about your partner"

"What do you enjoy doing when you aren't working?"

"Who are you reading right now?"

"Where are you from?"

"Tell us about your position at the "other branch"

"So, tell us about this blog we've heard about"

I replied with a "One thing at a time ladies, one thing at a time"...I'm not giving out too many details. They seemed to know everything about me, I guess background checks are real afterall. I filled them in on the little Mr., but left the blog for another day, month, year.

Mostly, I like working within the confines of the Main Branch. My office looks out over the old part of the library, built in 1904...a real Carnegie library. And I seem to have already caused quite a stir, being the only male assistant in the mix. Apparently, the rumor is that a "cute new guy works on the second floor"...if only they knew.

I've got a job that allows me to think, and make decisions now. I get to compile facts and figures, and make charts and graphs. Library school is starting to actually make sense...all the stuff I thought I'd never need, I've started using.

Best, I get to wear a tie everyday. Some may cringe at the thought. I've yet to send out a letter of introduction to all the managers, that's next. Oh the joys of full time work. The only bad part about being "grown up" is getting caught in rush hour traffic everyday. A dear friend suggested a "back route" and saved me 10 minutes on the ride home today. Everything seems to delight me these days.

Now, I think I'll put my feet up, and relax.

Moral of this blog: I like going out to lunch with Directors of a library.
I promise an update tonight. this 8-5 is fun, but i usually blog in the morning...and i do not blog from work.

its fun. i'm loving it. the people are great. rush hour traffic in downtown is awful...and i still love it.

moral of this blog: good things come to those who wait for me

Thursday, June 02, 2005

I'm Free....

free at last According to a letter that I received in the mail, I have been released from my jury duty obligation. This means I can start my new job on time.

The jury was selected, and my "services are no longer required". Wonderful, but do they realize that I had already picked out the most perfect, retro-geek ensemble to wear to jury duty selection? Now I am going to have to figure out when my geek-chic look (recently acquired I might add)is going to rock the scene, and which scene it will rock. I am thinking perhaps my first day of work might be best.

I will be wearing a white and burgundy striped collared shirt, with a chocolate, salmon, and burgundy Donna Karan tie. Deco tie bar (of course), with my chocolate zippy, with pink and khaki argyles, with khaki pinstripe trousers and polished cordovan loafers (square toe, of course). I am going to look super delish..I just hope my new employee ID doesn't clash with the colors.

I'm also because I get a security card to "allow me entry into restricted areas" (aka staff lounge). Oh, administration, how lovely.

Moral of this blog: Your loss jury box.