Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Save the Pets

If there is anything more important to me than appearances, it is the house pet population. The poor things have no one to take care of them. I can't imagine my Moscow and Sophie trying to fend for themselves.

I would like to suggest if you are going to be a part of this relief effort (and I know my gentle readers are) I have a few places that I think would be good causes.

Noah's Wish.

Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals

Pearl River County SPCA

Dollar donations, not pet food please.

The rest, for general aid:

Red Cross: 1-800-HELP-NOW or

Episcopal Relief & Development: 1-800-334-7626 or

United Methodist Committee on Relief: 1-800-554-8583 or

Salvation Army: 1-800-SAL-ARMY or

Catholic Charities: 1-800-919-9338 or

FEMA Charity tips:

National Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster:

Operation Blessing: 1-800-436-6348 or

America's Second Harvest: 1-800-344-8070 or

Adventist Community Services: 1-800-381-7171 or

Christian Disaster Response: 1-941-956-5183 or 1-941-551-9554 or

Christian Reformed World Relief Committee: 1-800-848-5818 or

Church World Service: 1-800-297-1516 or

Convoy of Hope: 1-417-823-8998 or

Lutheran Disaster Response: 1-800-638-3522 or

Mennonite Disaster Service: 1-717-859-2210 or

Nazarene Disaster Response: 1-888-256-5886 or

Presbyterian Disaster Assistance: 1-800-872-3283 or

Southern Baptist Convention - Disaster Relief: 1-800-462-8657, ext. 6440 or

Other Information:

Federal Emergency Management Agency: 1-800-621-FEMA;

Louisiana Homeland Security:

City of New Orleans:

Louisiana Governor's Office:

Mississippi Emergency Management:

National Hurricane Center:

National Weather Service:

Hydrologic Information Center (river flooding):

Well Dressed Advice

I believe that the American Library Association should seriously reconsider holding the ALA Conference in New Orleans in 2006. I know the dollars would really help the city at this point, but I don't think it is worth risking America's finest librarians.

Moral of this blog: It's only advice.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Well Dressed Lapels

cary grant, mmmm! As I walked into my back garden after returning home from my glam library job, I was over taken by one thought. I was astounded that I had never thought to share this with any of my gentle readers. Without further ado, I walked through the rain, up onto my back steps, closed my black stick umbrella and headed towards my office where I could impart this valuable piece of advice.

"Why is it that we never see these,spare tacked to some poor, unsuspecting woman at some tired old luncheon?" Honestly, I really thought that. So, just when you thought I couldn't be any gayer...

The boutonniere is lost on today's gentleman. Ladies, don't feel left out. You too can wear one. It is not confined to the fine cut jackets of the dashing information scientist. Do you want to look smart in the library? Do you think a collared shirt and trousers is going to cut it? Think again. You look like a vagrant.

The boutonniere has been worn for centuries, but was made popular by the Victorian man. Oscar Wilde (now there's a surprise) was an aficionado of them. The late, and devastatingly handsome Cary Grant also was manly enough to wear one. They do not need to be elaborate nose-gays pinned to your chest, nor the 4 pound orchid that most of America feels obliged to purchase for dear old Mater on Mother's Day. A simple rosebud, a few heads of lavender, even a marigold pinned to the lapel look absolutely divine. Masculine elegance at its finest.

Lately, a book titled The Boutonniere: Style in One's Lapel chronicles this very subject. I would advise my readers to purchase it, OR check it out of your library.

Moral of this blog: Can you keep up with the Duke of Windsor and Prince Charles, or Hollywood icons such as Cary Grant, Fred Astaire, and Sean Connery? I hope so.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Etiquette for library employees

Moral of this blog: Tisk tisk. Gossip is so ugly.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Well Dressed Practicalities

mama want All I want is a damn toast rack. You might think that I had asked for a kidney donation. Why do people bother to ask what I want, if all they are going to do is raise their eyebrows and say "what?"

I for one think its incredibly practical. I mean, what else are you going to do with your toast after its toasted? It needs to go somewhere. And ideally, on a toast rack.

Now perhaps some of my British readers can tell me, do only old people use these things in England? If so, that is just more fuel on my fire.

I was recently treated to seeing Ladies in Lavender and of course, Judi Dench and Maggie Smith both used one at the dinner table. I turned and grabbed my boyfriends arm during a breakfast scene. He just looked at me and said "NO" outloud in the theatre! Way to bash a faggy librarian's dreams, honey.

I did score a set of four vintage dessert plates soon after, which I love. But they seem so lonely without a toast rack.

Moral of this blog: Rack 'em up.

Monday, August 15, 2005

A Well Dressed Birthday

Happy 20th Birthday Precious!! As it turns out, even though I am turning 29 today, my, erm, kitty is only 20. Shocking. I got her when I was 9 years old. I came home from my friend Kristie's house. My Mom had gone back to school after the divorce, and got me a latch key cat. Nanny Bonnie couldn't be there right after school everyday. Precious was there to keep me safe, give me company, and someone to talk to. And did she ever.

My first memory of her is noting a board across the bottom of the bathroom door...and something white scampered right across the floor. She was the size of a tea cup. My Mom put her in there for safe keeping the first night. And now, 20 years later, she is having a birthday party, and having whipping cream out of a tea cup.

Precious was actually a few months old when I got her. Her mother had been run over by a tractor, and my Mom picked her out of the litter because she looked like the smallest and sickest. We fed her with an eyedropper. I also decided that her birthday would be the same day as mine, so it would be easier to keep track of. I got her in November of 1985. And here she is as pretty and cranky as always. Just like her big brother Matthew. Who is now 29 year old. I already feel the decay setting in. Though on a positive note, my Grandmother has been 29 for almost 50 years. I think that next year, I'll be 29 again. I hope Precious catches up. I promise, if she turns 29, I'll have a HUGE party.

And in case your wondering how I spent my birthday... cheesecake, chianti, and candle light. Quite a lovely evening.

Moral of this blog: A librarian's furry kitty can be old, and still quite loved. You know I mean my kitty. Perverts.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Well Dressed Brows

This morning I was putting the finishing touches on my eyebrows, when I realized: I've never shared advice with my gentle readers about this subject! And so you have it: The Well Dressed Brow. This post, sadly, is addressed more toward the male reader, than the female. I trust my female readers regularly moisturize, pluck, and groom their brows.

Men: If the eyes are the window of the soul, then your eyebrows are the awnings. And like all windows and awnings, it is possible to have gorgeous windows, and really tacky awnings. Now, you have no excuse, you have been warned.

When you look in the mirror, do you see this?:

If you do, your first step is saying out loud "I do not want to look like Frida Kahlo". If you do, well, then, be prepared to sleep with this:

On the off chance you want that on top of you, I can not help you.

Thick brows do not mean you are manly. They mean you are sloppy, and perhaps do not own other implements of hygiene (read toothbrush, nail clippers, etc.) It is simple to groom eyebrows, let the notion of "plucking is for girls" rest.

As with a good shave, your brows should be relaxed with a warm cloth for several minutes, or you should do it right out of the shower. You should own a good pair of tweezers as well. Tweezing can hurt: but what is more painful? 5 minutes of plucking or photographs that immortalize you as Bert's twin brother?

This is assuming you don't suffer from Bushy Brow as well (see top photograph). This can be remedied the next time you are at the barber shop, or the stylist. Ask them to trim you down to size. They may even offer a service to take care of those brows right there. In Chicago, lots of the hot middle eastern men (and those in the know) have threading done. Very nice results too.

I recommend a starter wax or a proper threading to make the foundation easy for you to maintain.

After the foundation is put into place, plucking should take about 10 minutes of your week, once a week. This is to keep the area between the brows clear, and , like me, to keep the arch looking natural. I recommend the Revlon Deluxe Tweezer, Slant Tip. It's my personal favorite.

DO NOT SHAVE YOUR EYEBROWS. Especially between the brow. It will eventually become stubble as thick as your 5 o'clock shadow. That is just awful.

So please remember, taming the savage brow is your responsibility. If you think grooming your eyebrows is feminine, you've just got issues. Scenario:

Potential girlfriend/wife/lover: You should really think about grooming your brows.

Bushy McBrowenstein: I'm not into grooming my brows.

What potential hears: "shut up bitch, i'll take care of myself, and grooming my brows isn't a part of that"

What man should say: "yes, I've been nervous and really don't know anything about having my brows done...maybe you could book me an appointment with someone good?"

What potential hears: "yes, I've....been waiting for you to help me get these caterpillars of my face." You might even get laid.

And last, if you need a reminder: clip this handy picture out and carry it with you to remind you this is what people see when they look at you.

Moral of this blog: If you don't trim the hair on your face, what else are you neglecting?

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Tagged in the library

I've been tagged by Librarian Is it even legal to run in a library? Hmmm. Without further ado...

1. How many books do I own?
Lots. I have book cases in almost every room in my house. Minus the bathroom. But that room is not for reading.

2. Last Book I Bought:
Playing for the Ashes by Elizabeth George.
If you like mysteries, and have finished all of Agatha Christie's stuff, try this.

3. Last Book I Read:
I just finished Murder in Belleville by Cara Black. Paris, murder, smoking cigarettes. Ahhhh. Perfect.

4. Five Books That Mean A Lot To Me:
E.M. Forster's Maurice
The New Bedside,Bathtub,& Armchair Companion to Agatha Christie
Drusilla by Emma Brock
The Winthrop Woman by Anya Seton
Reference & Information Service by Richard Bopp & Linda C Smith *what, I think I sited it in almost every single paper I wrote in Library School(TM).

5. Tag Five More:

Nettie Day
And finally...The Hot Librarian

Moral of this blog: I'm reading a mystery right now too. With no one as Witness by Elizabeth George. It's crazy scary.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Dear Well Dressed Librarian

You've all been so patient waiting for me to sit back down and tell you more things about my tremendously jet set life. Chicago was fabulous. The 7 a.m. photo shoot on the beach was amazing, the models were beautiful, and the breakfast afterward was to die for. In fact, according to our waiter, someone actually did die in the restaurant the day before. Waiter, you need to be funnier than that to get a good tip out of a Jew.

Now, finally, because I can't think of anything completely clever to write, I am going to dip into the old mailbag.

Dear WDL,
Now that you've graduated from school, and have moved into [working in] real libraries, do you think it was all worth it?


Well Wannabe, the answer is a resounding yes. I could not have moved into my current job without my MLIS. It was more of a $32,000.00 key to open a door that wouldn't budge otherwise. Have I used ANYTHING I learned in school yet? Nope. The few management classes I took made me realize the magnitude of administering to a group of librarians. More over, I feel like a Mamma bird, feeding hungry chicks. The imagery is about right too. I like my job. Its tough, but its fun making the wheels turn. I described it to my Mom as if it were a scene from the Wizard of Oz ..."pay no attention to the man behind the curtain". People have no idea what makes the public library run. But Library School (TM) is probably one of the greatest things I've done. It was worth it.

Dear Well Dressed Librarian,

Are you gay?


Dear Curious,

Did Rose Kennedy own a black dress?

Dear WDL,

Do you NEVER write about work anymore?

xo, Wishing For Work Stories

Dear Coworkers,

I do write about work. Libraries are my life, and therefore, I must write about my work, as work is a part of my life. Most of my work is secret, I can't even tell other co-administrators what is going on. That's a pretty tall order. My corner of the web isn't really worth losing my job. That and I'd hate to be poor, and sign up for food stamps. I can tell you this though: I learn more shit about the library when I'm assigned to shred old documents. There is something to be said about be the low man on the totem pole - rather the only man.

Dear Well Dressed,

Tell me something about you that would surprise me. Really.

An adoring fan

Dear Mom,
Hmm. Good one. I'm a NY Yankees fan. That usually surprises people. When I was in Undergraduate, I came home on the weekends to use the bathroom until the end of my Freshman year. Literally. I guess that's not too surprising though. Enough with the revelations.


When I wear my sweater over my shoulders, should the tag show if its a designer cardigan?


Dear K,

No. Never. Ever. Its gauche. Plus, it means you are not wearing it properly. It should be folded over at the shoulders and the neck should face you - not away from you when you wrap it around your shoulders and tie it. Logo sweaters, sweatshirts, and long sleeve t-shirts should not be used. Unless you are trapped on an island, and they are the only things that washed ashore with you.

It seems I've answered everything I felt like answering. I hope you've all learned something valuable. That, and Martha Stewart's new live NYC show starts September 12. Check your local listings.

Moral of this blog: I'm full of advice, among other things.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

I'll be visiting my beautiful friends in Chicago this weekend, I'm very excited to see all of them. It's my first official trip back as a librarian.
I wonder if the A.L.A. is going to send a limo to the airport to pick me up?

Monday, August 01, 2005

The Expatriate

Just because I always wondered, and these tests are so valuable...

Achtung! You are 23% brainwashworthy, 22% antitolerant, and 4% blindly patriotic

Congratulations! You are not susceptible to brainwashing, your values and cares extend beyond the borders of your own country, and your Blind Patriotism ("patriotism" for short) does not reach unhealthy levels. In Germany in the 30s, you would've left the country.

One bad scenario -- as I hypothetically project you back in time -- is that you just wouldn't have cared one way or the other about Nazism. Maybe politics don't interest you enough. But the fact that you took this test means they probably do. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt.

Did you know that many of the smartest Germans departed prior to the beginning of World War II, because they knew some evil shit was brewing? Brain Drain. Many of them were scientists. It is very possible you could be one of them, depending on your age.

Conclusion: Born and raised in Germany in the early 1930's, you would not have been a Nazi.

Moral of this blog: Good, because I'm a gay Jew.

The Would You Have Been a Nazi Test