As you all know, gentle readers, outside of being terribly attractive, you might not know that I also think I am unstoppable.
So when my ear drum began to throb uncontrollably around Chanukkah, I chalked it off to listening to my Very Merry Barbra CD too loudly. (What...Jews can listen to Christmas music as long as its a Jew singing).
Well the pain never quite went away. It actually got a bit worse. Finally, after talking to my Mother, I decided that it would be best to pay a visit to my friendly neighborhood physician.
Of course, I haven't been to the doctor in ages. Remember, I am invincible? So, I asked around for a doctor that people liked. Mission accomplished.
I called, and actually got in late this morning. Because I had called ahead and told them I thought I had an ear ache, they gave me an extra form to fill out, regarding my hearing ability.
Part one of the form offered me no choices to mention the fact that I am a homo in a committed relationship. I'm not married, divorced, single, or widowed. The friendly latina lady in the sliding glass booth suggested I choose single. OK, I concede. I'm not gonna go all GLAAD on them when my ear hurts.
On to the hearing form. One of the questions asked "Do you sit toward the front of the church so you can hear better?"
No I don't. I don't even go to church. I'm a big Jew. And hopefully the doctor who will be treating my ailment will be too.
SO, Russ, the young,hunky, and ginger haired male nurse asked me a few more questions. My responses:
"No, that doesn't hurt when you press on it."
"OK, but don't stick that thing in all the way."
"Yes, you have completely answered my questions."
"No, I'd rather hold onto my bag."
All I want are pills. Lots of them. In little brown bottles. Why can't he just give me pills.
I was then escorted into a room, where my doctor was going to treat me.
After a 20 minute wait, where I was forced to read his diplomas, emergency room certification certificates, and brochure about Cialis I was bored.
This is when I noticed there was a huge framed picture of a wolf on the wall. A wolf? Come on! Is that supposed to be comforting? Why didn't they just hang a picture of the carcase that he just finished eating on the wall next to it?
Finally. My doctor comes in. The hunky, young, ginger hair nurse knocked on the door again. I'm imagining he wanted to see that I was alright, because I'd been so quiet. My doctor said "We are supposed to have patients out in an hour, I only have three minutes left...."
Very comforting. I'm sure he was joking....or was he?
More questions. When he asked how long this had been bothering me, I said since Chanukkah. He looked at me and said "Are you Jewish?" and I said "Yes."
I got a thumbs up and a big smile. Guess what? So was he. Super.com
So, a few more pokes, prods, and heavy breaths later - I found out that I did indeed have an ear infection. A deep inner ear infection.
Now usually, the word deep excites me, but this time, I was disappointed. How could I be so perfect, and yet slightly flawed? I also learned I had a 100 degree temperature. I guess I really am hot.
So, finally. I got my prescription. Lots of pills. Just what I had hoped for. I was shocked when filling the prescription. The pills are the size of matzah balls. I'm not kidding. I have no idea how I am going to take them.
So in 10 days, I should be right as rain, and in perfect health. I also have to go back for a physical. I guess waiting 2 years was too long. I hope I don't have to do blood work, OR take any of my clothes off. Cufflinks are a bitch to take out when I'm agitated.
Moral of this blog: One pill two pills red pill blue pill
Gentle readers, I am not talking about a well thought out collection. While every library should have one of those, I am talking about "titles" as in "job titles". Director, Security Officer, Head Librarian.
I suppose I do read to much Agatha Christie and P.D. James, but in all those novels, the characters are referred to by their complete title..."Chief Detective superintendent", "Officer", "Director", etc.
When I was in college, I referred to all of my professors by their appropriate title: "Dr.", "Professor" - only my advisor insisted I call her by her first name. I've never been pulled over, but my boyfriend has. Several times for speeding *tsk tsk*. He always refers to the policeman as "Officer". I sometimes wonder if I am the only person that still uses titles like Aunt and Uncle. I can't imagine calling my doctor by his first name. "Hey Moshe, could you look at my knee? It's a bit stiff." Frankly, so is that whole statement.
Imagine this: Introducing Elizabeth.
Not quite the same as "Introducing, Her Royal Majesty, The Queen of England".
I think that the library would be a tremendous place to start calling people by their titles. "Good Morning Director ________" would only result in a bunch of raised eyebrows. I would hate to be called Librarian __________, but would not mind Mr.
America seems to be unusually causal with strangers. We chalk it up to customer service, but really it is a lack of propriety. I lived in England only a handful of years ago, and there I greeted everyone with titles, even my housekeeper.
My foreign exchange student in high school was baffled when the clerk at the grocery store said "How are you today?" He was confused because he did not know the person, and wondered why she even cared. I tried to explain to him that the shopkeeper didn't actually care, but was only saying it to be nice.
He insisted that anyone who asked that question wasn't nice if they didn't really care. I found deep logic in that. Its the same old "How are you today? you ask people as you walk past them in the hallway. You don't really care if they answer, you only say it out of convention.
People also argue that titles make things less personal. I am the first to note that I do not bring my personal life to work, yet everyday everyone I work with calls me Matthew. Fine. I can deal with it. I have my own way of dealing with it.
I always refer to the Director of Finance as Mr. ______. I am tempted to start calling him Director ________. After all, hasn't he earned that title? His business cards say it. Plus he is nice. A respectful title reflects my notion of respect, no?
American libraries, like many other customer service oriented organizations are bent on informality to increase customer relations. When working with patron conflict resolution, I always refer to them as Mr. & Mrs, or Miss.
Just looking back at old library records shows that once upon a time everyone was called by their title. Perhaps it was just the easiest way to record them in print, but I have always believed that text is a reflection of societal standards.
I would love for someday to be greeted as I walk into my library as Director. I would not want this to make others feel subordinate, but sadly, in this day and age it would be the unintended effect.
I do enjoy calling coworkers by their first names, but I always feel a bit of guilt. It seems more appropriate during breaks and off the floor. Nevertheless, it is an invention of 21st century formality, or lack there of.
So, I'm prissy. I've recently come to grips with the fact that women no longer wear gloves, or carry handbags. Men don't even wear handkerchiefs in their breast pockets. I will remain an island unto myself - the world I live in is better, even if it is imaginary.