Friday, May 12, 2006

Librarian Defined

can you spell librarian?Half hilarious, half awful.


a librarian is a weird usually older(middle aged) lonely woman. they have weird quirks and often don't know how to interact with children and normal people. they become librarians because they don't fit into the real world. they are ugly and wear hideous clothes. you can often find that they are obese or chubby. they usually live alone in a lonely little apartment in the suburbs with seven cats and don't answer the door to little trick or treaters or girl scouts. they will yell at you for the stupidest shit. they think theyre making the world better by being librarians but everyone really hates them because theyre mean and EVIL!

I.E.That bitch librarian just yelled at me for whispering.

Check it out:


moral of this blog: time to re-define.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Retirement, When to investigate

cranky pants!I love Andy Rooney because he is old, and cranky, and his eyebrows look kind of like caterpillars. He says things that are totally inappropriate, but are funny because cranky old people with caterpillar eyebrows pretty much can say anything they want and no one says anything.

Enough of that.

Editor Charles W. Robinson in the latest, hot off the press Library Administrator's Digest says something that really got my goat, and you've got to say something pretty awful to get my goat, or any other animal that I would allow people to touch. (Except Adrien Brody - to whom I am willingly a petting zoo).

But if your 10-year-old wants to be a librarian, you might suggest a career in health care. Or banking.

The rest of the article articulates his fear of what technology will bring to the bricks and mortar buildings we call libraries.

News Flash! Libraries change, and so do we, Oldschool McCrankenstien.

Even though I pretend we live in the 1940's, and I live on a depression era budget - I cringe at people who try to stymie the field of library science. Especially people with an Editorial position to a major LIS publication. The whole concept of "role models" and "mentors" was based on the "younger looking up to the older" thing. Gen X replacing the Boomers and WW2 generation and all that good stuff. I'm supposed to be inspired by someone like this?

He goes onto suggest that our professions may go the way of "seafaring". It is my opinion that perhaps it is HIS mindset that has gone the way of seafaring. I am unanimous in that sentiment.

Maybe he is supposed to be funny like Andy Rooney. Anyone laughing?


Yeah. That's what I thought.

Moral of this blog: Technology hasn't put us out of work, it has just made our lives better.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Side, Grass is always Greener on the other

Muchas GrassyassI have the poshest library job in town. There is no question about it. I love my tastefully decorated office, my view over a huge Victorian Gothic building, the sun pouring in through my graciously oversized windows. I love the vintage library images framed on my walls, and the carefully chosen WWII-era type-writer ads hanging on my bulletin board. I think I even love that my desk, bookcase, and credenza match. OK, no thinking, I do.

My job allows me to endlessly compile facts and figures, share them with other major libraries, and to travel about our system going to meetings. Now that most of you hate me, I'll go on.

But I long for the reference desk. Sometimes I am overwhelmed with internal reference questions, and just want the odd quote to research, or help someone figure out how much the blue book value is for their 1973 Chevy (I made that up, I have no idea if Chevy even made cars in 1973).

And because Lola gets what Lola wants, I find myself sitting behind a reference desk every now and again. Really. It's tremendous. I love it. And then they show up.

The unwashed masses.

They know when I am going to sit desk, despite the fact that I don't. They see my boyish grin, the proper dimples in my tie and cheeks. Like an arrow to a bullseye, they are my next customer.

Perhaps this explains why I usually go through one bottle of cologne a month. I apply to the wrists a little heavier than anywhere else.

"Why?", I'm sure you're asking. I am about to reveal a trick of the trade.

When you are at the desk, you can put one wrist near your face. The pleasant aroma of Happy for Men overtakes my olfactory, and I can look back up, unfathomed by the probable scents of urine, cigarette smoke, and fried food.

When walking the customer to the stacks (NEVER POINT), again you can scratch your nose with the back side of your knuckles... and again be taken away by the pleasant reminder of your own immaculate hygiene.

And also unlike my safe confines, I am often surrounded by fans waiting for answers. I have jokingly said I would ask them to que at the payphone, and call me, as my phone reference skills are impeccable.

Now that I have come off sounding like a complete and utterly pompous librarian, I wish to assure you it is not true. I like getting to see little kids smile. I make faces at them when their mother's aren't looking; I like making them laugh.

I like watching the creased brow of a little old woman grow even more furrowed when she smiles to thank me.

It is my time to people watch and remember why I wanted to and became a librarian. It is the people, the people, the people. We'd kinda sorta be outta work without them. True.

OK, everyone would be out of work if their were no people, but bear with me as I wax romantic.

But as I sit reference desk, suddenly I long for the solitude of my hand picked shade of khaki office. I want to walk across the freshly carpeted office, to our newly installed coffee bar (formerly known as the supply closet)and pour myself a cuppa. I want to reply to customer complaints from the comfort of my ergonomically correct chair. The grass looks so much greener....

And low and behold, the cycle starts again. Such is the life of an Administrative darling.

Moral of this blog:How can I help you?