Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Trying, How to succeed in Libraries without really

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to give pointers on how to succeed at work. With so many aspiring librarians / librarians waiting in the wings for that first opportunity - I present a list of musts:

The Fringed Acid Washed Denim Jacket. Farrah Fawcett had one in the '80's, you should too! This look says "I'm ready for casual Friday...NOW!!" HR are you listening??

Men, I didn't forget you! Crack out that stylish Member's Only jacket! Is it pleather? I HOPE SO! Nothing says "I'm business first" like an exclusive club jacket.

Why be wasteful, and get a haircut, when you can buy other things like used cars, camping equipment, and food for your dogs and cats! Let your personality speak for itself. Business in the front, Party in the back! Look out accounting, here comes our new Chief Financial Officer!

Why let your reputation precede you? Let your aroma say hello first! POUR ON THAT FRAGRANCE!! Nothing makes people notice you like perfume...and why waste money on that fancy department store stuff? You can pick this stuff up for a song at garage sales, and drugstores! They even have the aeresol kind now! Hot.

Chew gum during meetings! I know you're the fun loving type (and probably committed to your job!) if you snap and pop that Bazooka Joe! I bet you're as bubbly as that bubbalicious! If it's good enough for celebrities, get on that band wagon! Besides, a little glamour at work never hurt anyone *wink wink*

Oooh! Someone went out for a drink! Forget that flashy Starbucks disposable cup, crack out the booze in a bag! Now everyone in the office will know that you're a big earner, and too good to just "make it at home, and bring it in a Travel Mug™!" Someone's paving the road to the top!

We bend and lift ALL the time in our field. Why wear cumbersome coats and jackets? Break out the tubetop! This will free you up, and totally let your bosses know you are ALL work and no play. You are dressed for success, and everyone can see it! Sorry boys! You'll just have to settle for the a-line T-shirt!

Knock Knock? Who's there? LIBRARY JOURNAL'S MOVERS AND SHAKERS ISSUE! Nothing's gonna grab them like a Terry Cloth Track Suit! How else could you move and shake better? This look lets them know you love technology (ie: gaming in libraries) AND you love to work with teens! You're a shoe in with this look!

Ladies! Listen up! Your appearance counts. Make sure you accentuate it! A few times! Nothing says "I pay attention to detail" like a few good layers of foundation. Who am I kidding! You knew that already!

You see "camel toe", I see "tailor fitted wardrobe". Nothing says more about you than a fitted wardrobe. The mystery is "who will climb to the top first? You? or your trousers?"

And of course, none of this matters if you don't have a winning smile!! Just remember, it's not how many teeth you have - it's how big your heart is.

The list could go on, but with these tips - you're sure to get to the top before any of your colleagues. Being noticed is how it all begins! Feel free to add more suggestions in the comments! Thing big! And remember = PERMS EQUAL SUCCESS!

Moral of this blog: Happy April Fool's Day!

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