Recently, I have noticed something about myself that actually kind of surprises me.
I love people, and I love being out and about, or to translate for Canadian Readers, oooot and aboooot.
In the past week, I have gone to concerts and took in the amazing voice of Martha Wash, Tiffany (yeah go figure, it was free), and last night, Bonnie Raitt. Outside of the fact that this clearly notes that my music tastes are all over the place - I also noted that I hate crowds.
Rather, I hate being in crowds.
The idea of seeing a large group of people excited seemed very appealing to me - I thought I'd catch the spirit and be one of the cheering masses. Instead, my pulse races, I clench my jaw repeatedly, and start getting freaked out that people touch me constantly when walking past me.
A bump, a jostle, a polite "excuse me" while putting their hand on my shoulder or waist, or torso. ACK!! Don't touch me!! I have enough trouble hugging my own Grandmother. This just puts me over the edge.
Oddly, I live in an urban area...which is congested. But as big as the city is, and as full of people as it is....I have managed to keep at least at an arms distance from anyone else. I've even had to deal with "close talkers" and survived, either by verbalizing my distaste for their proximity and letting them adjust, or just stepping back.
But then, I go and do something stupid like attend a street festival. Or go to a concert. What was I thinking?
And on top of it, I am forced to see people wearing shorts so short that their baby making anatomy may reveal itself at any moment - and people who are so grossly over weight that they can't help but touch me, even from 2 feet away.
I remedy part of this by taking nerve pills. The other remedy is keeping Purrell in my bag at all times. Some how washing my hands makes me feel better. And last, body language that says "don't touch me or I may scream, loud..." seems to work pretty well.
All in all, for living in a bustling city, I do pretty good. I realize that I prefer my crowds to be more like back yard barbeque's, and book discussion groups. Perhaps I've lost my edge now that I have a job that is basically just me in the library...and I don't have to worry about the unwashed masses. All I know is that I hate crowds. I hate being in crowds. And I hate being touched by people I don't know, unless I initiated it. But that is a whole other post.
Moral of this blog: I want to just sit and not talk and not have to be the centre of attention all the time. You know what that's like don't you?