Sunday, July 06, 2008

Flops, Flip


If you are going to wear flip flops:

a)Get a pedicure, or at least trim your toe nails. This is for the boys.
b)Wash your feet.
c)For the love of G-d, do not wear socks.
d)Don't wear them to dressy restaurants. They are not dressy.
e)Wash the flip flops if they get dirty.
f)If they are falling apart, do not duct tape them, or fasten them with security pins. Throw them away.
g)If I can smell them from where I'm sitting, throw them away.
h)Don't play with your toes when sitting on the train. This includes picking your toes, and clipping your toe nails - despite my #1 rule.
i)Stop wearing them when it snows.
j)Don't wear them so small your toes hang over the edge, that's gross.
k)Flip flops are not "Friday Casual", they are "I'm running to the drug store at 9 pm casual"
l)Do not take them off and sit cross legged at your desk. Save it for home.
m)If you are missing toenails, or toes...do not wear flip flops.
n)If you have bunions, they may be comfy...but we have to see those knobs. Go get some Easy Spirits.
o)Corns are also disgusting.
p)Hairy feet are also disgusting.
q)It is not cutsie if they match your outfit. Its cliche.
r)Don't run in them. You will fall.
s)Ladies, at least polish your toe nails if you are going to do this.
t)Don't wear shower shoes in public. (for the college/gym set)
u)If your flip flops are all squished and flat, buy new ones. There is no way they are comfortable anymore.
v)Don't call them 'thongs'.
w)Do not take one off to swat bugs, and then put it back on.
x)Toe jewelry? Come on people. I still see dirty toenails even with that ring.

I know I could come up with more. But that's all I have.

Moral of this blog: You can not convince me otherwise.

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