Thursday, February 28, 2008

Friends, Mean


Moral of this blog: Some people wouldn't know style if it hit them on the (red) head.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Tin, Tin

People will think we're twins!
After work today, I got my hair cut. It was time, it was getting long. I came home, did a crossword puzzle, ate some biscuts, and picked up some Herge.

Oh My G-d! I got a Tin Tin haircut!! Super!!

Moral of this blog: Tin Tin is hot.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Mouth, Put it in my

Librarians licking hot kittyThis image is courtesy of WDMother. I have to confess that it is by far my favorite picture of me as a baby because:

a:My nose was caught at a good angle (even though it may or maynot be the same nose I have today)
b:I'm totally wearing little Converse sneakers
c:I was licking a kitten.
d:I look good in green
e:I had fantastic hair even as a child

Wait. Did I say licking a kitten? Perhaps this explains my aversion to this activity even today. I digress.

When I was little, I loved kittens. I loved them so much, I wanted to help the Mama cat take care of her babies.

Perhaps, to this day, being a care taker is who I am meant to be. Assisting and helping people do the things they do. Only now, I don't lick their children. Unless those children happen to be my age, rather attractive, and gay.

Now, I work in a special library, and help special people. Is that what it is? Public Libraries help the public, Academic Libraries help Academians, ergo, I help special people. Only not like "special olympic" people, because I think these books are too hard for them.

Was that mean? Probably. Anyway.

Moral of this blog: Licking kitties will make you into a Gay Librarian.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Jackets, Tux

Vintage Tuxedo Jacket I bought this when I was doing my undergrad at Oxford. We had "fancy dress" dinners once a being on a student budget, I went to a mens clothier, and bought a "used" tux from the late 40's.

It fit my budget then. I forgot all about it until this weekend.

I paired it with a black cashmere sweater and polka dot bow tie...I think this is the best costume for the day. I have to think these things up, you know?

Moral of this blog: Vintage tuxedo jackets are hot.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Hall, Leslie

Moral of this blog: Thanks for modeling the sweaters for me cupcake!!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Rehab, Librarian

they tried to make me to to rehab and i said no no noThese, my gentle readers, may prove to be the death knell of the library profession. "Why? HOW?" you may wonder to yourself, as you sip your Baileys laced coffee at your desk this morning, brushing the occasional danish crumb from your lap.

After reading the super hilarious and brutally honest AL's stimulating, and rather recent thread on the term "guybrarian", I started thinking of other things in the library profession that really got my goat. I realized that the term "Guybrarian" isn't one of them.

And so being the darling,doyen, Pollyanna of our profession, I had trouble coming up with something that really bothered me.

And then it struck me. The appearance of the librarian. Granted, there have been multipe articles written about the way librarians look.

An article on hipster librarians resulted in people screaming and yelling that the yuppy 20 something librarians were not representative of the community.

Another article on the librarian being dowdy (the Nancy Pearl doll, ring any bells?)resulted in yet another outcry from the community.

I've realized why. The people screaming so loud were the very people who:

a)Will(hopefully) retire soon, and hate seeing themselves replaced.
b)Pretty much complain about everything.
c)Are dowdy, and can not admit to it. So I will just point it out.
d)Somehow think that spending $100 on a pair of jeans is wasteful, but spend twice as much on knitting supplies, and getting their hair set on Saturdays at Iola's Beauty Parlor. And suck it. I like my square framed retro glasses - they are cuter than the drug store magnifiers you are wearing.

So my priorities are different. So are our generations.

I'm soooo bored of the argument " perpetuates a stereotype that is demeaning to our profession."

Guess what? YOU are perpetuating the stereotype! Not the Nancy Pearl doll.

The gay community is often represented by a rainbow - because of all the different ethnicities and cultures of people that make it up.

The librarian community is much the same - only for now, it is predominantly older and female. And I adore you older females - not in a Mrs. Robinson way, but in a "I love that you've blazed a trail for me, now let me do what I know how to do...and stop second guessing me, and talking about me behind my back" kind of way.

But stop wearing those horrible sweaters to work. Please. People will continue to make fun of librarians, not for all the other reasons you've supposed, but because of those tacky, jeweled, holiday themed sweaters. Oh my G-d. Do you know that people are laughing at you? Do you know I am blogging about you?

People do not take clowns serioulsy. Painted up, and wearing silly clothes. At least clowns don't have an air of elitism.

Are you like Amy Winehouse, and not even realize you have a problem? (omg, that is my second AW reference in two days! I love it. I'm totally stopping off on my way home to buy all her CD's!)

Will I need to publish pictures of you smoking crack in your holiday sweater before you realize this is a problem??

I should hope not. There really is no reason not to look your best everday at work.

I don't want to hear about comfort. We can wear comfy clothes when no one is looking. To bed even. Though I do wear pajama suits.

I don't want to hear about "I get dirty at work." Have you heard of a washer & dryer?

I don't want to hear "But I work with children." I have lots of friends who are school teachers, and they are gorgeous.

I don't want to hear "No one sees me." That must just be a lonely existance. Go ahead. Wear your bra & panties to work. I dare you....find out how many people actually see you.

I don't want to hear "I don't get paid enough to look good." Do you need to get paid to look good? Do you have no self respect?

I don't want to hear "Heels are uncomfortable." Don't wear them then, get some Mary Janes!

I don't want to hear "I don't have time to get ready in the morning." Get up earlier. Lazy.

And for G-d's sake, I don't want to hear "But I like bedazzled sweaters." I'll just punch you in the neck.

And I realize it's not all about what I don't want to hear. But as the authority on Librarian Style, I can judge you outloud.

Granted, it is all about priorities. Mother Theresa wasn't all that stylin', but then again, she took vows. Did you?

People complain that men climb to the top in our woman-heavy field. Actually, there really isn't anything librarians won't complain about. We have lots of opinions about everything.

And I am lucky. I'm a one person library - so I can dress the nines everyday. That makes 100% of my staff well dressed.

And then of course, there is the arbitrary debate on what "looking good" means. And men, I'm talking to you too, you haven't gotten off the hook. Though, you are probably gay anyway, so you're probably fine.

Do you think that there is nothing wrong with the above photographs? Did you actually wonder where you could buy those sweaters?

Gentle reader, you are the person I have a problem with. I have to look twice as good now to make up for your karmic lack of style. I have to distract the masses - and yes, the NY Times may write another article on stylish librarians. Which you will also hate, because you are bitter, and jealous that no one thought that it would be interesting to read about a dowdy middle age woman wearing clothes from the Comfort Zone - no matter how nice you are, or how many great felt board story hours you've given to the warm reception of 5 year olds.

We have a stereotypical image because we've earned it. Now you scream when people say "librarians are hip, cool, and dress well" - and you scream to say "NO! I'm not like that...I'm something different. I'M THE ONE IN THE JEWELED SWEATER!!" Hmmm. Where oh where do these sterotypes come from?

Moral of this blog: I hope the bedazzler factory burns down.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Day, Valentines

what the hell?

I hope a dog brings you a basket of stuff too.

Moral of this blog: Just say yes to abstinence. Unless he's hot.

Models, Cover

Moral of this blog: Where is the love?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Friends, Mean

omg. my even my friends are hotIn a random g-cat with my friend Scott (who also happens to be a hot,gay,Jewish librarian), the topic of my celebrity came up. While he usually fosters my delusions of grandeur, today he took a swift kick at my ego blog:

ITW:You're not a celebrity.
WDL: SHUT UP...I am too
ITW: There are no cameras.
You probably just have a cornea disorder and see flashes.

Moral of this blog: I need to see an eye doctor.

Letters, Form

What am I supposed to do with this shit?In an effort to save more time for librarians, I have created this easy to use multiple choice donation form. Simply cut and paste the relevant pieces into your own letterhead, and you have an instant reply!


Dear Donor,

Thank you for your donation to our growing Library™.

Please note that all materials donated to the library are now property of the Library™. Materials may be disposed of or used towards raising funds for the Library™. This may include a friends of the library sale, online auction, or re-donation to a worthy cause.

It was kind of you to:
a) clean out your attic/garage/closet and give us all your garbage.
b) give us all your dead grandmother's ratty old romance novels.
c) think that we needed out dated reference materials.
d) write us a check that will allow the librarian to purchase materials appropriate to the collection development agenda.
e) think we wanted to infect the rest of our collection with mold spores from your filthy dirty books.
f) believe we accepted donations of knick knacks.
g) donate your entire collection of national enquirers to us. Now I have to recycle them.
h) assume we have the time to clean mouse droppings out of the inner spines of these books.

We appreciated the fact that:
a) you dropped everything off outside the Library™ when we were closed, and most of the stuff got even more ruined due to severe weather. We understand you couldn't have waited one more day.
b) provided us with boxes that were falling apart, and used to hold depends/cheap hard liquor/ fabric softener.
c) you provided us with your contact information so we could send you a thank you letter, and form to use for tax deductions.
d) you left 8 messages to see if we got your donation. We did. Thanks.
e) included a Franklin Mint collectible "Freedom Eagle" dessert plate, wrapped in an old flannel shirt.
f) also left your upper plate in the box. We will return it at no cost to you. We know here at the Library™ dentures are pricey.

In regard to future donations:
a) just because your deceased family member loved books, doesn't mean we'll love those books too.
b) please assess the condition of the materials being donated. those books weren't currently in a collection because they look like shit, and should have been thrown away. now i have to do it, and waste my dumpster space.
c) ask the Library™ if the materials are appropriate for the collection. We do not need books on cake decorating, feline health, foot trauma, anal hygiene, collectible beanie babies, or gardening. This is a specialized collection.
d) please contact us, as we may be able to actually pick up large donations. We realize that traveling may be a concern to you - and your last donation was valuable.
e) please make checks payable to the Library™.
f) make sure your dead relatives only buy books we like.

Again, we extend our deepest gratitude to you and your family for this donation. Should you have questions about the tax forms we have included, please feel free to contact us. We look forward to your continued support.


[Librarian signature]

Moral of this blog: It's kind of like MadLibs, only more fun.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Fans, Adoring

omg. get off meIt seems that no matter where I go these days, there are cameras flashing. The life of a celebrity librarian is so challenging, I can't even go out to buy things I need like alcohol, cigarettes, and Amy Winehouse CD's.

Thank G-d for the tinted windows on my SUV. And yes, I really do drive a tinted window SUV. Suck it environment.

Moral of this blog: It's so tiring to be pawed at.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Wounds, Head

and it hurts like a bitchI totally just cut my head on the photocopier.

"what?" you cry in disbelief "how did you ever do such a thing?"

Well, Thank G-d, I'm ready to tell you.

The copier kept jamming. I finally realized what was wrong, and while squatting down to take out the offending sheet of paper, and make a small adjustment - I pulled on a lever, anticipating the toner cartridge would come out. Instead, the door swung back and bashed me in my delicate, olive complected temple.

It hurt, so I just looked in the mirror. To my horror, I actually broke the skin! I had blood on my temple! Oh My G-d! I'm going to be scarred for life.

Moral of this blog: Beware of photocopiers. They all hate Jews.

Do?, What does a Librarian

are you fucking kidding me?Who knows. But I can tell you what this librarian does. Fret.

Yes my gentle readers, I fret - and I find myself doing it more and more of late.

Not work related, I can tell you this is not a work related blog at all. If my job could love me back, I'd marry it. That is, if the gays could marry, which we can't.

This librarian has finally figured out where everything in his apartment goes. This meant moving a desk, steamer trunk, and 2 book cases around several times this weekend. This librarian has also realized it is no fun to move things alone. I've also realized how little I need to be happy.

This librarian hates dating. Apparently, being a librarian is huge kink. I didn't get my masters degree to turn a guy on. I did it because I'm bright, and wanted the job of my dreams. Apparently being a Jewish Librarian is double kink. Yet again, something I don't have much control over.

This librarian needs to be less hopeful. I'm tired of the disappointment that ensues. Is no one else as genuine? Funny? I'm picky, but comeon. Life is turning into a Seinfeld episode. What is wrong with all you people?

Waitress (at the next table): Here's your knife and fork.

Jerry: Look, she's cutting up an Almond Joy.

Elaine: I just don't get it.

Jerry: You know, I saw someone on the street eating M&Ms with a spoon.

Elaine: What is wrong with everybody?

Jerry (surveying the restaurant): Look, they're doing it. They're all doing it!

Elaine (standing up): What is wrong with all you people?! Have you all gone mad?!!

-from the episode Pledge Drive October, 1994

And finally, this librarian is good at finding the answers to tough questions. So here's one:

"Does a cute, self confident, thin, tall, messy haired, emotionally available, good conversationalist, educated, kinda Indie-guy with a nice smile, family oriented,and wears converse sneakers, exist in Chicago?"

And you know what? This librarian doesn't know the answer. And I hate that. And this, gentle readers, is what makes me fret. Its not something I should be focusing on, but I can't seem to help myself. I'm starting to think this question doesn't actually have an answer.

And to all the yentas who so badly hate seeing me alone - is your grandson available?

Applications can be submitted until this post is filled. No double entendre intended. Though a completely filthy one can be elicited, for your reading pleasure.

Moral of this blog: I don't enjoy long walks on beaches.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Sane, Boy

moral of this blog: that's a relief.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Tuesday, Super

Moral of this blog: Don't forget to vote!

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Dots, Polka

Another pattern combo, for the less adventurous. Polka dots with plaid.

Moral of this blog: Simple & Chic, and unshaven on Saturday.