Thursday, April 24, 2008

Friends, Dirty

Huge TetonsTaken from a text message with my realtor friend:

Realtor: The couple finally landscaped that house I told you about
WDL: Hot. I can't wait to see it!
Realtor: Maybe you can come and see it afterwards and give your opinion. I have to sell it! Tell people about it PLUS its huge and cheap. Like my boobs.

WDL: I think I can find a buyer for those

Moral of this blog: Mammaries. Light the corners of my mind.

Kidding, Just

Moral of this blog: I love this clip. Just kidding. No I'm not. Just kidding.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Taylor, Chuck

Classic Chuck TaylorsOne of my favorite things to do is dress up. I dress up almost every single day - and by dress up I mean a collared shirt with cuff links, a sports coat, dress trousers and neck wear.

I love to wear black Chucks with what I have on. It is sort of a visual contradiction in style to add something so casual to something so dressy - but the mix actually works. The contrast is fun, and unexpected.

Mind you, the Chucks need to be in good shape. When you start to notice that they are looking grubby, it is time to wash the white rubber and bleach the shoelaces.

Another reason that I love to wear the shoes - they are classically stylish. The low top Chuck, or the "Oxford" was new to the Baby Boom Generation. Before this, only the high top was available. The high top was first introduced in 1917 by Converse. Basketball player Chuck Taylor loved them, and became their first real spokesperson for the shoes.

You know anything from the late 40's has to be good. Exept SPAM®. (but that was actually the late 30's!)

The nickname "Chucks" stuck after this, the shoes were his namesake.

And while the shoes are offered in other trendy colors, I love the classic black Oxfords. Mind you, I still love my Italian loafers, and my dozen or so other pairs of classic styled shoes, but these are close to being my favorites.

A few days ago, I wore a two piece, pin striped, khaki suit to work. With a deco bow tie and cuff links. And my Chucks. More people did a double take then I ever remember. Perhaps they were offended, perhaps they were noting the boyish charm I exuded. I may never know.

Moral of this blog: Chucks are hot.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Sedaris, Amy

Moral of this blog: Tonight, Amy can entertain your ass.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Intercourse, Reference

come on baby, 2 more minutesApparently, timing and technique are everything. Perhaps it is because I read both articles today, or their uncanny timing in coming out. Either way, my mind quickly drew parallels.

A forefather in our field Samuel Swett Green talked about “Personal Relations Between Librarians and Readers” way back in 1876. He encouraged librarians to "mingle freely with … users, and help them in every way", and to ice the cake he offers suggestions to improve “[p]ersonal intercourse and relations between librarian and readers." Hot, right?

May's issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine will publish a survey of sex therapists which concluded "the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes."

While the journal Biblioletra, recently published an article which points out "sometimes questions are quickly resolved, while other questions seem easy but [take longer]."

This same article notes that a librarian "must be willing to modify [their technique], because some patrons would have been unsatisfied..." and further "a well-trained reference librarian will sometimes initiate....if a hesitant user appears to need assistance.”

While the sexy article noted "... research has shown that both men and women want [sexy time] to last longer." The therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as "too short."

Extrapolating from all of this, a few points that librarians should keep in mind during a reference interview:

1) If it feels like it has lasted long enough, it probably has.
2) Use an established technique. Does your library have guidelines?
3) Asking more questions can lead to a more satisfying experience the second time around.
4) It is not necessary for it to last more than 13 minutes, even if the patron wants it to last longer.
5) Librarians should always make eye contact.
6) Satisfying the customer can lead to a true happy ending. They may even tell a friend!
7) One to two minutes is probably not enough.
8) Stay on top of your patrons - initiate if necessary.
9) In academic settings, often the patron wants it quickly.
10) In public settings, often the patron wants it anonymously.
11) In special settings, often the patron expects to be billed.
12) Small talk can often make the intercourse more enjoyable for both parties.
13) Keep in mind their are others waiting, you may have to do this dozens of times in one night. Pace yourself.
14) If their are children, involve them! They hate standing on the sidelines.
15) Use hash marks to keep track. You may determine that you need a helping hand on certain nights!
16) If you can't finish, get the customers e-mail address or phone number.
17) If you don't call back the next day, statistically the customer may never return to use your services.
18) Don't point. Guide the customer to exactly the right spot.
19) Customers don't always ask for exactly what they want. Probing them can lead to full satisfaction, in many reader/librarian situations.

and of course..

20) Always practice safe reference.

So you can see, our jobs are very important. We should see parallels in everything we read. Librarians should strive to keep the customers coming. Without them, what would we do?

Moral of this blog: Librarians do more than check patrons out.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Trying, How to succeed in Libraries without really

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to give pointers on how to succeed at work. With so many aspiring librarians / librarians waiting in the wings for that first opportunity - I present a list of musts:

The Fringed Acid Washed Denim Jacket. Farrah Fawcett had one in the '80's, you should too! This look says "I'm ready for casual Friday...NOW!!" HR are you listening??

Men, I didn't forget you! Crack out that stylish Member's Only jacket! Is it pleather? I HOPE SO! Nothing says "I'm business first" like an exclusive club jacket.

Why be wasteful, and get a haircut, when you can buy other things like used cars, camping equipment, and food for your dogs and cats! Let your personality speak for itself. Business in the front, Party in the back! Look out accounting, here comes our new Chief Financial Officer!

Why let your reputation precede you? Let your aroma say hello first! POUR ON THAT FRAGRANCE!! Nothing makes people notice you like perfume...and why waste money on that fancy department store stuff? You can pick this stuff up for a song at garage sales, and drugstores! They even have the aeresol kind now! Hot.

Chew gum during meetings! I know you're the fun loving type (and probably committed to your job!) if you snap and pop that Bazooka Joe! I bet you're as bubbly as that bubbalicious! If it's good enough for celebrities, get on that band wagon! Besides, a little glamour at work never hurt anyone *wink wink*

Oooh! Someone went out for a drink! Forget that flashy Starbucks disposable cup, crack out the booze in a bag! Now everyone in the office will know that you're a big earner, and too good to just "make it at home, and bring it in a Travel Mug™!" Someone's paving the road to the top!

We bend and lift ALL the time in our field. Why wear cumbersome coats and jackets? Break out the tubetop! This will free you up, and totally let your bosses know you are ALL work and no play. You are dressed for success, and everyone can see it! Sorry boys! You'll just have to settle for the a-line T-shirt!

Knock Knock? Who's there? LIBRARY JOURNAL'S MOVERS AND SHAKERS ISSUE! Nothing's gonna grab them like a Terry Cloth Track Suit! How else could you move and shake better? This look lets them know you love technology (ie: gaming in libraries) AND you love to work with teens! You're a shoe in with this look!

Ladies! Listen up! Your appearance counts. Make sure you accentuate it! A few times! Nothing says "I pay attention to detail" like a few good layers of foundation. Who am I kidding! You knew that already!

You see "camel toe", I see "tailor fitted wardrobe". Nothing says more about you than a fitted wardrobe. The mystery is "who will climb to the top first? You? or your trousers?"

And of course, none of this matters if you don't have a winning smile!! Just remember, it's not how many teeth you have - it's how big your heart is.

The list could go on, but with these tips - you're sure to get to the top before any of your colleagues. Being noticed is how it all begins! Feel free to add more suggestions in the comments! Thing big! And remember = PERMS EQUAL SUCCESS!

Moral of this blog: Happy April Fool's Day!