Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Kosher, That's not

Looking through old ads - and I find this.

Moral of this blog: supergross. This is why I'm kosher.

Red, Fire Engine

Hot red wagon!

This is my new book wagon! I'm so jazzed.

Moral of this blog: Hot librarians need hot accessories.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Pomade, Murray's

Murray's Pomade RocksI'm not going to lie to you. I worry about my hair not staying put.

I have tried every pomade on planet earth, and finally, I find this. And while I don't exactly look like the target market, pictured on the lid of the tin...according to their website, 20% of their market is made up of folks like me!

People who touch themselves when they think of Dan Kloeffler!

OK, not really. But I really do touch myself when I think of Dan Kloeffler. I just meant the ....oh,wait. You got what I meant.

This pomade would keep my faux hawk looking sexy in a wind storm. Which is very practical, given that my job often requires me to take breaks outside. AND I can brush it flat, and get that sexy, shiny, patent leather look Cary Grant made look so sexy.

And it smells good. I still have a nice supply of my other pomade that smells like orange sorbet on hand, but I think I'm gonna stick with Murray's for a while.

Moral of this blog: Why am I just finding out about this stuff now?

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Questions, No Stupid

Famous book with appropriate titleI hate to share this piece of information with aspiring librarians. I hate to say this in front of seasoned librarians....

Remember when your teachers told you "oh, Honey, there is no such thing as a stupid question..."

They were totally telling a lie. A big one.

I just want to warn you that once you sit behind any sort of desk, and do your thang, stupid questions will roll in. Just like my sister in law when she hears there is going to be free food or child care.

One of the first stupid questions you will be asked:

"Can you help me?"

Did Rose Kennedy own a black dress?

The obvious answer is yes. That is why I am collecting a pay cheque, and sitting behind this fine Gaylord® catalog desk. (PS mine was actually was actually designed by an architect.)I am here to answer your questions. See the big sign that says "ASK HERE!" or in more archaic facilities a sign reading "REFERENCE"?

The hard part is, we can't actually help everyone. Some people want to know things that don't have answers to, like "Why does Mommy cry?" and "Where is my Dad?" or "Will this rash ever clear up?" But overall, librarians help people.

Stupid question #2:

"Where are the books?"

Look around Bright Eyes. Yes, there are closed stack libraries. They are the exception rather than the rule. The books are everywhere. SURPRISE!

Maybe I wouldn't be so quick to call a question stupid if it was phrased properly, for example:

"Where is your Liberace section?"

I want them to say "Where are your biographies?" or "Do you have any materials about Liberace?" (I don't really want someone to ask me about Liberace, I'm just saying...)

I want to say "Just look for the Grand Piano and candelabras!" But I don't.

Then there are the specifists. They know that we have exactly the book they want.

"Do you have any books about black, gay clarinet players with diabetes who lived in Northern Maine?"

Why YES! It's your lucky day. Let me take you to the Ethnic Artist Homosexual with Medical problems shelf!!

Another type of stupid question you will surely get at some point, will come from a genealogist. I can assure you.

"Where are the books on the fill in the family surname family?" Refer them to the Mormons in Utah. Most libraries will have a great collection of genealogical materials, sometimes even have titles of "founding members" of the community you are in. More than often, we do not have those titles. The question may sound earnest, but really, it's stupid.

Other questions will include (but do not require an MLIS):
"Do you have bathrooms?" No, actually, I've been peeing in potted plants for months.

"Can I use a computer?" I don't know, CAN you?

"I need the phone number of the President of the United States" And I need Mary Poppin's umbrella.

"How long can I rent this DVD for?" Um, they are free. You have to check it out on your card. We don't rent things in public libraries [unless your library does, but you don't count for arguments sake - this is MY blog after all].

Of course, some people live for these moments, to instruct and inform the public. I've done my penance. Now, I hand the baton to the next generation of librarians. Today, I receive information requests, and form the questions myself. And of course, my questions are never stupid.


Moral of this blog: I checked this book out before, it was red with pages......you know which one I mean?

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Flowers, May

Read My TulipsOne of the things I love most about Spring is the ready availability of tulips in this fine city of mine.

Here, I have a spray of parrot tulips in a seafoam green McCoy vase on my Duncan Phyfe dining room table. You can see my letter opener next to the vase.

This morning when I woke up, the tulips had all opened up, and some of them started to tilt under their own weight. It was so wonderful, I had to capture the moment.

Moral of this blog: Read my tulips. Spring is here.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Library School, Courses I wish they had in

Hot Librarians workin' itSo, today after a few phone calls, I decided that there were things I wish I would have learned to deal with while I was in Library School™. Not that I can't function properly without knowing these things, I'm just saying they would have been nice to know.

I decided to create a bunch of course listings that I think that other librarians, and Graduate Students in our fine profession would have also enjoyed/would enjoy taking...so that in our day to day lives, we could do an even better job.

LIS503 Info. Retrieval
Focuses on finding materials/regalia in your building/office/desk that another librarian hid or misplaced while working for their library. This class will offer filing techniques, searching methods, instruction on inserting batteries in flashlights, hand washing methods, case studies in hoarding and effective methods for dealing with hoarders and their aftermath, and edification on proper recycling behaviors. No books required. In fact, throw one away.

LIS598 Classification
This course discusses and elaborates on quick patron personality type identification. The aim is to reduce the amount of time you spend working with crazy people who just want to chat, while getting to the bottom of a query. Guest speakers will include but are not limited to: schizophrenics, manic depressives, the unbathed, a stage mother, elderly couples, perverts, a homeless guy with a shopping cart, drug addicts, and emo teens. Subscription to People magazine required.

LIS564 The Internets *6 credits
Course work prepares future reference librarians for dealing with terminology that patrons/customers will use that makes no sense. Course will be taught by the editors of urbandictionary.com. Pre-req: LIS512 Jive

LIS587 Youth Literacy
Intensive focus on WWF Smack Down Magazine, Teen Beat, Teen Vogue, Nintendo Wii, and Harry Potter. Learning to realize that only a few kids read is easy once you take this class! Your sense of disappointment in the real world is dissipated 10 fold. Field trips to inner-city Urban school libraries will show you that 73 books in a library is a lot. Core component class for AV/Media Specialist track students, and Youth Librarians.

LIS 541 Informatics
Work includes identifying various illegal substances, bodily fluids, and drug paraphernalia. At the end of the course students will be expected to clearly identify which substance a patron has been impaired by, and possibly what they ate for lunch. Text Book Required: High Times Compendium 1995-2005

LIS599 Health Science Libraries
Students will provide accurate diagnosis of rashes, leisions, and assorted scabbed over sores. Intensive focus on STD identification will be offered over the last two Sundays of the course.

There are more. I could go on for days, but I coulda had a leg up.

Moral of this blog: Um, my friend has this blotchy rash, and um...

Continues, The Search

My Girl, ChanelWell, I hoped, but didn't anticipate the large number of nominations I've already received! And I am pleased to say so far, every single submission (and I hate that word, I feel like a dominatrix)has been amazing. And not one holiday themed sweater in the mix.

Men...where are you? Statistically, I know we are in the minority in our field. And so far, that statistic is about right....5 ladies to 1 gent....so far out of 30 submissions, only 6 guys. Pretty good for one day.

Here's what you can plan on & here is what I'll need:

1. A photograph (or a few!) & permission to use it.
2. Contact information (e-mail address, a we blink where I can contact them)
3. Plan on writing a brief bio. Nothing too personal, I know people get freaked the hell out about personal information.
4. Willingness to be included in the 100 Most Beautiful Librarians "issue" to be created by the WDL.
5. Submissions can be sent to wdlibrarian at Gmail dot com

I've had tons of questions. Don't over analyze it folks, this is a light hearted attempt to stir up the library community.

To qualify:
1. Do you have an MLIS or are you working on one? You'll be considered!
2. Have a super cool librarian job like me? You'll qualify!
3. You don't need to be young! Helen Mirren and Diane Keaton and Daniel Craig and Ian McKlellen would all make this list if they were librarians.
4. This isn't a movers or shakers issue....but if like to move and shake - submit!

Who are the judges? Simple. ME. Don't pre-judge me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Let me decide, don't do it for me. SUBMIT!

Already, I am getting flack from the library community:
"Our jobs aren't about being beautiful..."
"We are not models, we are librarians."
"This is superficial"
"This is not a measure of our worth."
"This is stupid...."
"This is worse the NY Times Hipper Crowd of Shushers article"...

So, why would I do this? Because I can. Because we are not just librarians, we are people too. As I sit here sipping my black coffee, I am impressed by the great response so far, and it's only been one day.

To all of those people who think this is a disgusting exercise in vanity: suck it. And I mean that in the most endearing, non aggressive way. But nonetheless, suck it.

Moral of this blog: wdlibrarian at Gmail dot com is waiting for your nomination!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

People, Beautiful

Girlfriend looks like a muppetIs it that time already? I've decided to take matters into my own hands, and find the 100 Most Beautiful Librarians. Of course, I'm number 1, but is it possible to actually get 100 nominations? Submit a hot librarian. wdlibrarian at gmail dot com.

Prizes? The prestige of being named one of the 100 most beautiful librarians. By me. To qualify, you must be a librarian, or as most job ads say "completing your MLIS degree". What is hot? You tell me. Results will be published at a later date.

Moral of this blog: Where my people at?

ed. Yes! archivists, catalogers, directors, and MLIS students may all submit! Especially beautiful ones!