Friday, August 15, 2008

Me, Happy Birthday To

32 Years Old

Moral of this blog: 32 is going to be fantastic.

Monday, August 11, 2008

In, Things I believed

brusha brusha brushaOnce upon a time, when I was small and naive - I believed in lots of things. I was reminded of this recently, when I called my nephew in NY.

One of his teeth fell out. He was upset that the tooth fairy had forgotten to leave a present for him under his pillow. During this escapade, I heard my dear, sweet, Chanel lipsticked Grandmother call - "Look again!"

And so he did.

You know what the tooth fairy leaves these days? $5.00. He was elated.

I was shocked. When I was a kid, I was lucky if I got a couple of quarters. Once I got a half dollar...which I thought was great. In fact, I still have it in a cedar box I call my "special box.". Not to be confused with Paris Hilton's vagina, which she also calls her "special box."

When I was a kid, I had quite an imagination. Morbid perhaps.

I believed:

- Dragon flies could sew my lips shut.

I lived in a duel faith home, and celebrated Easter. I ardently believed the Easter Rabbit had fangs. Thanks Bunnicula.

- chocolate milk came from brown cows.

- that the tooth fairy was mean, and could possibly steal more teeth
out of my head while I was sleeping.

- if I ate carrots, I could see in the dark.

- that squirrels had little apartments in trees.

- if I swallowed a watermelon seed, it would grow in my stomach.

- that I would be a librarian when I grew up.

Imagine my surprise as each of these things was slowly dispelled for me, spare one. As an adult, I guess I still have a few things I believe in, that perhaps aren't so true.

- when people fall in love, it's forever.

- people are intrinsically altruistic.

- eating leftovers is fun.

- the Loch Ness Monster.

- everyone knows I'm gay. (who knew some girls thought I was cute & thought maybe they had a chance?)

In my life, I have always been kind of nervous - I always have a feeling anticipation. I tend to plan for the worst, because everything that happens after that "isn't as bad." While I realize this perhaps isn't the healthiest way to live, I can't help myself. I remember as a child, I was not like this....I believed the best of everything, that animals talked when I wasn't around, that I might actually find a buried treasure when I dug a hole, that maybe I could enter another world through the back of Grandma Loretta's wardrobe. Sadly, being naive was actually more fun.

Now I deal with things like death, student loan payments, writing policy and procedure at work, and finding out that some guys are idiots.

I like to imagine, what if I would have carried my naivety with me this far? Would I have become this successful? Where would I be now?

Is there a "happy-in between " with boyishness and being a professional? Or does life continue to lose its magic as we age?

What won't I believe in next? To be honest, I wouldn't have imagined myself where I am today just 10 years ago. Just 5 years ago. Actually, 1 year ago. It is this time last year that my whole life changed, and now I see for the better.

By the time I realized the tooth fairy wasn't real, I was finished losing my teeth. I spent a lot of time worrying and being scared for no reason.

I won't be living my life like that anymore.

Moral of this blog: $5.00, my ass.